Tag: kit

Create Your Own Zombie Action Figure Customizing Kit

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Create Your Own Zombie Action Figure Customizing Kit
How do you create a zombie? (Fun behind the scenes fact. I originally typed “Hoe do you create a zombie? and pictured a pimp shakin’ his cane at her as he said it all interrogation-like. I giggled. Good times. You best not be creatin’ no zombies hoe!) Anyway, where was I? ADD is like a maze wrapped inside a riddle and covered in a sweet enigma caramel shell. Oh yeah. Making your own zombies.

You see my child, when a filthy and rabid zombie loves your brain very very much, he bites you. That is how zombies are created. Now go to sleep and stop complaining about nightmares.

Or you can just buy this Create Your Own Zombie Action Figure Customizing Kit and make some yourself. On the other hand, the government used to create them with TV broadcasts.

For Your Little Creeper’s Wish List: CSI Facial Reconstruction Toy

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csi facial reconstruction toy
Oh yeah. The CSI Facial Reconstruction Toy is just what every kid wants. Your child of 10 years + will love reconstructing the ghastly features of crime victims, by modeling clay on the skull of a fake corpse in an attempt to reconstruct that broken face and catch a bad guy.

What do you want for Christmas little Timmy?

I want to play with a corpse face and uncover the clues of how the victim died! *Huge smile that says please! Please! Please!*

*Looks at kid* Somebody get this little creeper a therapist or something. I’m sleeping with one eye open Timmy. Get some friends ya little freak!
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Unreal Upchuck Owl Skeleton Kit

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unreal owl upchuck science kit
Hey, you wanna learn some science? Gather round kids and experience the wonder and majesty that is Owl barf. This Unreal Upchuck Owl Skeleton Kit will teach you all about the fact that owls eat other living things. And then puke their bones back up. Ain’t life beautiful?

Your kids will experience the thrill of dissecting owl puke and rebuilding skeletons. Apparently it’s all hypoallergenic and sanitary. As sanitary as owl puke can be. But first- *BWHOOOAAAAA* Sorry kids. As you can see, I had skittles and a bucket of KFC for lunch. As you can see, I like our owl friends am not afraid to eat the bones. Reconstruct this bucket of KFC and I’ll know you are ready for owl puke.
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Vintage Portable Toilet

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portable toilet
This Vintage Portable Toilet ain’t nothing but TV dinner tray stand legs and a hefty bag! Supposedly it’s perfect for things like camping, fishing and hunting. You know, because you didn’t bring your own toilet from home. Because nothing says camping like a stinky and putrid hefty bag full of camper poop and pee, right by the fire while you’re toasting marshmallows.

Also if you need to erect a hefty bag toilet while you are fishing or hunting, you have some serious medical problems my friend. What do you do with it when you’re done? Tie off that hefty bag and drive it home in your car, where it is bound to spring a leak? Tie it up and toss it in the forest like the toxic waste it is?

I like to just bring a spare toilet, set her up in a quiet place and leave it there for the next guy. I’m thoughtful like that.
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CitiKitty Cat Toilet Training Kit

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citi kitty cat toilet training
Your cat wants to be just like you so train that mangie minx to use the toilet with the CitiKitty Cat Toilet Training Kit. Look fluffy, it’s 2015. Why are you still peeing and pooping in a box? And making me clean it? You think that’s funny? Now get on that toilet and drop some bombs. There’s some catnip in it for you if you don’t pee on the seat.

This kit includes a training seat and insert, guide, tip card, and catnip. Tip card? I’m not tipping that cat to do what he should be doing anyway. Here’s a tip: Flush afterwards. And the carpet is not toilet paper.