Tag: kit

Rattlesnake Skeleton Kit

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Rattlesnake Skeleton Kit
Man, this is one scary-ass Rattlesnake Skeleton Kit. They are actually scarier on the inside. This scale model recreates the bone structure of the Rattlesnake. Allow me to recreate my reaction to seeing this on my desk:

*Screams at the top of my lungs! Then smashes it into a million pieces while yelling for someone to call zombie pest control. Then breaths heavily while looking at the pulverized remains.* It’s okay honey. I killed it. I hope we stockpiled enough food to get through this nightmare. There’s bound to be more of them.

That was your birthday present you A**hole! And I hope you stockpiled enough sex to get you through the month while you sleep on the couch. Because there’s bound to be NONE!
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Wax-On Wax-Off Car Cleaning Kit

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wax-on wax-off car cleanerThis Wax-On Wax-Off Car Cleaning Kit should make your car nice and shiny. This car cleaning kit comes with two mitts, some car wax and a karate bandanna. I bought this like a year ago. Turns out I was doing it wrong. Let’s just say that the Wax-On glove is still in pristine condition, while the Wax-Off glove is pretty worn in.

The upside is that my junk is all shiny with a clear protective coating. My Sensei said I had what it took to get to the finals, but the training never seemed to end. “Again!” *Hits me with a bamboo stick* But Sensei, I’m worn out. I can’t do it. “Again!” Fine. Whatever.

That’s what I get for confusing “wandering mystic karate master who is wise because he mumbles” with “homeless guy who mumbles because he is drunk and deranged”. Say where’d you learn karate, master? “Me? I no know karate. I just like to watch you Wax-Off.” Fair enough. I’ll give you a ride to that overpass you like to sleep under. Then we go our separate ways.

Tiny Mermaid Skeleton Model Kit

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mermaid bones
Mermaids are the sexiest thing in the sea. In or out of holographic bodysuits. And This trio must be the super model variety. They are all skin and bones. Which is probably why they don’t do a thing for my rusty barnacle. I would have totally thrown them my dingy when they were still buxom and wet though.

Etsy seller Tinysaurs makes all kinds of cool skeletal model kits. You can get cool dinosaurs like this T-Rex, this Plesiosaur and many more. Build them and display them and wonder at mother nature. Then be scared s**tless that we are all just a sack of bones.
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Giant Cardboard Robot Arms

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giant cardboard robot arms
This giant cardboard robot arms DIY kit lets you create…giant cardboard robot arms. Sweet! I am gonna terrorize everybody. At least until somebody figures out my kryptonite. NO! Not the box cutter! If that happens I’ll just run away to my robot lair and cry. Then move to another town and terrorize them all over again.

The kit comes with everything you need to create two giant robot arms and it will take you around 5 hours to complete. They measure 5.5 feet long. This is gonna be fun. Cower before me humans!
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Create a Womb With A View: Pregnancy Belly Painting Kit

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pregnancy belly painting kitIt’s never too early to get your kid into art. You might as well start when they are in the womb, by painting weird and creepy scenes on that baby bump. That kid isn’t doing anything now aside from hurting your back and robbing you of precious minerals. Might as well make a weird statement on that belly, so you can embarrass them with pictures later in life. You can find the Belly painting kit here.
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