Tag: lamp

Wounded Deer Painting/Lamp

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wounded deer etsy painting
Oh Etsy. You offer so much WTF and ask for so little in return. This Wounded Deer Painting looks like it belongs in a wasteland bar after the apocalypse, where you would find a bunch of Road Warrior cultist types worshiping it while 1940s music blares over a radio.

The candles on the antlers actually light up just like the ones on the base. What’s with the heart shaped quills on the arrows? This isn’t what love should look like. I’m confused. How is it even still alive? I’m scared. I don’t even know what to think. I’m sad.

Land Line Lighting: Rotary Telephone Table Lamp

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phone light

This old rotary phone may take forever to dial a number, but as a lamp it works instantly. It’s the ultimate in land line lighting.

I have one myself and I like it a lot. Thing is, every time I answer the phone I burn the hell out of my ear and mouth area. So I have trouble talking and I can hear about as well as a 90 year old at an AC/DC concert. People are starting to ask if I have a learning disability. No. I jus hath a cool lump in ma fone. It makes shaving really easy though. When I answer the phone I just rub it around my face for a clean shave before saying Haw-whoa.

Headless Teddy Bear Lamp

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teddy bear lampThis is the latest in decapitated teddy bear decor for your kids room. It connects via USB with plug adapters and gives off a soft warm glow that is sure to give your little one nightmares.

Every night your little bundle of nerves will wake up screaming and you will rush in the room to find a new decapitated stuffed animal from his collection. You’ll ask him about it and he will tell you from trembling lips that they are the nightly sacrifice that his master demands. And that he is down to only one stuffed animal left on the shelf…

I should know. That boy was me. Still have that lamp. It’s why I buy stuffed animals in bulk. It’s also why my backyard is full of stuffed torsos with no heads.
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Giant Lobster Claw Lamp

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giant lobster claw lampDamn. That’s one giant lobster claw. It’s perfect for that Spongebob Squarepants themed room you have been decorating. It can go right next to your crabby patty snack tray. Fun fact: I tried square pants for about a year, but my sharp butt corners kept tearing my couch to pieces. That is such BS that that guy can sit on any furniture.

Anyway, this giant lobster claw lamp will look great in any nautical themed room. It even has a spool of rope around the bottom like some now-dead sailor tried to catch it. Nope, Didn’t work. All you gave him was a lobster bracelet while his other claw snapped you clean in half.

No way I’m getting this lamp. With my faulty electrical system, this thing would reanimate every time I got a power surge. Playing “Turn the lamp on and see if you still have fingers after” is not a fun game. I already play a similar game every time I add another plug to that one mass of plugs I call my “one outlet to rule them all”. If it sparks that’s how you know it’s working. At least that leaves my fingers intact as it’s frying my body.
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Life Size Skull Lamp: Hey, Your Brains Are Glowing

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

spark of life skull lampThis “Spark of Life” skull lamp from Etsy seller jackofthedust will light up your room with grey matter. Usually having brains splattered all over your room is something to clean up before the cops get there, but the only thing spilling from this cranium is light. There are several colors available.

It’s like this skull just had the mother of all ideas and the light bulb in his head went nuclear. Like that time I had the idea to make a website full of weird stuff you can buy online. Now I’m buying a bunch of crazy stuff and am basically a hoarder, plus I’m working like everyday. And do you guys appreciate it? Do you? I’m just messin’ with ya. You guys are the best. Keep sending in tips about weird messed up or weird cool stuff. You see that picture above, that’s your brain on Creepbay.
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