Tag: morbid

Dead Man Walking: Body Bag Costume

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

body bag costumeSweet Jesus! This Body Bag costume is going to score me a ton of friggin candy this year. Ding-dong. Door opens. Old lady with blue hair greets me with a smile. “Hello little ones. What do we have here? Let me get my glasses-” Shriveled hand clutches heart area of knit Halloween sweater. Old bones jump. Candy flies up. I position bag underneath that sweet candy rain. Then run.

Effin Necco wafers? Really? Maybe the next house will be better. I’m really behind this year after getting stuck in that morgue for 3 hours. Bonus: That half autopsy they did really adds to the authenticity.

Have A Pixie Infestation? Get A Pixie Trap

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

pixie trapYeah I know. Pixies are so beautiful. They just flutter around, spewing glitter from their wings, granting virgins free wishes and making flowers glow in vibrant colors with their passing. I’ve seen the propaganda. The truth is that Pixies are pests. And pests need to be eliminated. With extreme prejudice. That’s what Pixie traps are for.

Sadly, this humorous piece from Etsy seller BlueMaiya is no longer avilable, but if you ask nicely maybe she will make you one. It was inspired by Brian Froud’s pressed fairies.

If Looks Could Kill: Murder Weapon Earrings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

murder weapon earringsThese Murder Weapon earrings from Etsy seller PlumeriaMAccessories make murder weapons fashionable. You can choose from a Butcher’s Knife, Axe and a Hack Saw.

Murder them with fashion. Each of the weapons are nice and bloody as if little psychos had used them to hack someone to pieces, before you hung them on your ears. Only $7.13. Click through for the other versions.
Read more “If Looks Could Kill: Murder Weapon Earrings”

Well This Is Depressing: Your Plane is On Fire and Your Children Are Gone

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

plane on fire artI really don’t like other humans. I do my best to avoid them and I certainly don’t want other humans visiting me in my own home, expecting me to serve them Iced Tea and offer them snacks. I’m pretty anti-social. How to keep them away though… I think I will buy this $5,750.00 oil painting titled “Your Plane is On Fire and Your Children Are Gone“.

Yeah. This should keep my home pest guest free. I’ve only just seen it and I’m already depressed. I wouldn’t want to visit me and see this on the wall.

That dude in the back looks like a young Doc Emmett Brown hitting 88mph. More like 8888mph. The old lady next to him has dropped her pills. No more bingo for her. Little cherub angels are flying around everywhere amid the screams and panic thickened air, darting to and fro, trying to snatch souls. It looks like a couple of them are in a wrestling match. It’s all a freakin’ game to these cherubs. That couple in front, they’ll just sleep through it, even though one of them has clearly brought a dog along. I think the little girl did it. With mind powers!

Man, I am all kinds of depressed now. Mostly because Marty McFly will never meet Doc Brown thanks to this painting. And if that happens, no Back To The Future movies. Great Scott! We have to go back to the past to change this!
Read more “Well This Is Depressing: Your Plane is On Fire and Your Children Are Gone”