Tag: novelty

Dark Cheshire Cat Hoodie

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Dark Cheshire Cat Hoodie
This Dark Cheshire Cat Hoodie is for cattin’ around. Meow! I’mma wear it and create some Malice in Wonderland. I’ll be so proud that I’ll look like the cat that ate the canary. Until someone sees me cough up dark feathers, then they’ll know I ate a Raven. Don’t worry, after that last one I’m saying nevermore! They give me indigestion when I should be full of righteous indignation.

It’s got ribs, ears, eyes, a nose… You ARE the cat. Can I get a meow? I didn’t hear you! I said can I get a meow! Louder people! Laterz. Gotta go practice bathing myself with my tongue. I’mma be that cat for realz!

*Cough* Ack! Ack! *Spits* I taste terrible.

Fatally Yours Gourmet Chocolate Box

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Fatally Yours Gourmet Chocolate Box
Sorry I’m a month late, but here’s your Valentine’s day gift. See why I am forever alone? This Fatally Yours Gourmet Chocolate Box makes an awesome gift. As long as it’s not late. Things are always better when they’re not late. Like bills and periods. This box is full of chocolate skulls, bones, coffins, and anatomically-correct hearts. Order one early for next year so you aren’t late. These chocolates look diabolical and delicious.

Funny story. When I first saw the name of these chocolates I thought it said Fetally yours. I was disappointed that it wasn’t full of cute little chocolate fetuses, some with creamy nougat filling, some with almonds… But you know how I like weird stuff.
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Crow Black Magic Journal

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Crow Black Magic Journal
You want something to crow about? I’ll give you something to crow about! How about this awesome must have Crow Black Magic Journal. You can write all your black magic spells on the pages inside. Or draw funny cartoons. Or write down your ten favorite Spam recipes. Whatever you want. Spam recipes? Now that’s horrifying. It comes with an optional black feather pen. My now bald pet bird will be happy about that. He gives me feathers for pens. I lose them.

It’s so lovely and scary. I just want to touch it.

Stained Glass Corner Spider Web

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Stained Glass Corner Spider Web
Like I don’t have enough spider webs in my corners. You expect me to hang this Stained Glass Corner Spider Web up too? I refuse to get into your web of intrigue. What kind of web are you spinning? It looks terrifyingly poisonous and deadly. SpiderwoodHollow sells all kinds of spider webs. Just in case you didn’t have enough. I don’t know about you, but I like to throw them snacks while I’m watching TV, which explains why every corner of my house has Cheetos and Doritos levitating in place. Spiders are picky. They never even wrap them to eat later.
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Rainbow Hologram Alien Backpack

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Rainbow Hologram Alien Backpack
This Rainbow Hologram Alien Backpack is all shiny and holographic. It’s the future. I already had a gypsy foretell this: It is the future. The world is a barren waste. Those that survive are butt-hurt due to the experiments of the alien invaders. Humans are enslaved with alien heads on their back. You alone will save the world. She also predicted that I would tip her well and she was right. I had board game money, she had no eyesight. It was like a match made in heaven. This etsy listing means that the time is upon us.

*Sees giant rainbow alien head floating into my room at night.* ARHHHHHHH! What do you want? No, not again! *Lights go on.* Just my stupid roommate wearing this backpack as he backs into the room. NOT COOL!