Tag: odd

Cthulhu Bottle Opener

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cthulhu Bottle Opener
Yo Cthulhu, lend me a tentacle with my beer. Cuz the only thing worse than an elder horror is the horror of being without a cold beer. This Cthulhu Bottle Opener will let you pop those bottle caps with the power of the tentacled one himself. Bring me the head of Cthulhu! For I must drink! Cuz H.P. Lovecraft stands for Heineken Pabst Lovecraft. True story. I think. I may have just made that up in a drunken stupor.

Hey, that reminds me of a joke. What do you call an alcoholic apartment manager? The Stupor-intendent. Ha ha ha. Drunk humor is the best. Thanks for all the Cthulhu Mr. Hangover Prone Lovecraft. Laterz.

Creature From The Black Lagoon Coasters

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Creature From The Black Lagoon Coasters
Dude, I love Creature From The Black Lagoon Coasters. The way you go up, up, up and get super high, then you fall so fast and the coaster goes all loop-the-loop and turns you upside down, so you puke in the face of the guy behind you and feel like you would rather be dead. Good times. Wait. Nevermind. Not those kinds of coasters. These are the kind that you set your drinks on. Much safer. I’m a daredevil when it comes to placing drinks on things. If I had these coasters, I would drink two drinks at once, so I could have a Creature double feature.

Cthulhu Amulet Of The Elder Gods Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cthulhu Amulet Of The Elder Gods Necklace
It’s official. I’m an Elder God. Check out my sweet Cthulhu Amulet Of The Elder Gods Necklace. Rub-a-dub-dub I’m in the club. Cthulhu in da house. Which is a bad idea people. I once let Cthulhu in the house and he ate all of my food and hogged the TV. I say hogged, it’s more like he shoved the TV in his mouth and ate it while I was watching Netflix. That ain’t how you binge watch dog! Then he puked. Okay, I guess that’s binge and purge watching. That’s cool, you can leave now!

Grim Reapers and Roses Framed Mirror

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Grim Reapers and Roses Framed Mirror
I always look grim in this mirror. Don’t know why. Must be the lighting. More likely, it’s the two Grim Reapers on this Grim Reapers and Roses Framed Mirror. Damn, I thought Guns N Roses knew how to rock, but they are nothing compared to Grim Reapers and Roses. Their concerts are to die for, cuz people are dying to get in. Anywho, enjoy admiring yourself in this Gothic archway of death.

Don’t be scared though. The seasons don’t fear the Reaper. Nor do the wind, sun and the rain. So you shouldn’t either. Go ahead and knock on that mirror. Ya know why?

Cuz you’ll be knock, knock, knockin’ on heaven’s door! Or hell maybe. Death’s door.

Zombie Post Apocalyptic Journal

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Zombie Post Apocalyptic Journal
This Zombie Post Apocalyptic Journal will help you keep track of how fast the infection is spreading throughout the population. It is hand-cast using real crushed stone bonded with high quality designer resin. Ohhhhh. Fancy. It has 95 non-ruled, spiral-bound pages, which should be enough room for you to keep a decent survival journal, so that one day when the zombies eat you, some other normal human can find it and pass it on and on, until 5000 years from now they are worshipping you as a God and this is their bible. How sweet is that?