Alien Skull Ring – With This Ring I Thee Probe

Alien Skull Ring - With This Ring I Thee ProbeAnybody else ever wake up the next morning after an abduction and find this Alien Skull Ring on your finger? And you’re not sure who your husband is, but judging by the burning in uranus, you know you had a hell of a honeymoon. Yeah, me either, I was just askin’.

I, the perverse alien dirtbag with a thing for hindquarter exploration, take you, puny human, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to probe, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

He asked me! He asked me! #blessed #sorebumforweeks #cantbeabindingcontract

Edgar Allan Poe Famous Quotes Mug

Edgar Allan Poe Famous Quotes Mug
Drink up with my main man Edgar. This Edgar Allan Poe Famous Quotes Mug will be a fun and frightful read while you are having your morning coffee. In other words, Poe your coffee in this mug. That’s called wordplay son! You’ve been served! You been Poe-wned! I know what your thinking. Oh Poe he dit int just say that! Poe-lease! I did. I really did just say that. What are you gonna do? Call the Poe-lease? So they can stick me in the Poe-key? What, you think these jokes are hokey? Then why don’t you do the hokey-Poe-key and turn yourself about. Yeah, that’s what it’s all about! Yeah, that just happened! I went all kid’s song on your ass. Don’t be mad. You love me. I know you do cuz you drank that love Poe-tion I cooked up.

Kitchen Overlord’s Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook

Kitchen Overlord's Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook
The Kitchen Overlord’s Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook will help you to cook gore-met meals that will scare the bejesus out of your dinner guests. It has 69 recipes that will cover your table with so many eyes, ears, guts, brains and more. Your dinner guests may even call the cops because they will think you are a serial killer. They will want to stop you before you can cook again. It has everything from edible strings of human ears to looping guts that are meant to be pulled apart at the table. The recipes are tailored to Paleo, Gluten-Free, Vegetarian, and Vegan diets.

I think I lost my appetite. It fell somewhere in the entrails and I ain’t digging it out.

Horror Themed PS4 Controllers

Horror Themed PS4 Controllers
These Horror Themed PS4 Controllers are perfect for playing scary horror games in the dark. You can choose from 2 Jason Voorhees versions and one that has Leatherface, chucky and Jason. These are custom handmade controllers. Button mashers? Nah man, I play button slashers! Man, I wish I was rocking a PS4. I’m still playing Atari. I’m keeping it old school. Like really really old school. Like my school is torn down due to asbestos old school and all the kids need to be tested and all the parents are suing.
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Skull and Crossbones Wire Bun Cover

Skull and Crossbones Wire Bun Cover
Damn. That Skull and Crossbones Wire Bun Cover is awesome. You know what they say, a bun on the head is better than a bun in the oven. That’s what I heard anyway. This is gonna make some librarian look totally badass. It’s Mary Poppins meets Mad Max. Where did they meet? I have no idea, but I hear they sat down for tea and talked shop for a few hours. Then they made sweet love and the credits gently rolled.