Tag: scarf

Take Out Tentacle Scarf

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chinese takeout food tentacle scarf
Orders Chinese. Waits for like a half an hour. Guy arrives. I tip him a buck forty and a lemon starburst. Then I go inside and unpack my order. It’s all piping hot. I open up the center container and retrieve my warm and toasty Take Out Tentacle Scarf. Wrapping it around my neck, I smile. I can now go out in the cold.

As I step toward the door, it hits me. It’s friggin June! What the hell. It’s like sub-zero here with the AC at full blast. Well, I guess I’m wearing my Take Out Scarf In today. Hope I fare better than that strangled mannequin below.
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Awesome Alien Embroidered Patches

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alien embroidery
Are you a member of the mile high club? Let me ask a different way. Have you had an energy beam capture you and suck you up into the mothership, only to find yourself bent over a cold exam table and getting what those in the E.T. industry like to call “the business”? If you have, then yeah, you’re a member. Put some cream on that thing and get yourself some kick-butt alien patches from this Etsy shop.

These are for members only. They’re pretty funny. There’s an alien with a human head trophy, Jesus, an E.T. reading a “meat” recipe book with a human on the cover and one wearing a human for a scarf. These are gonna look sweet on that denim jacket I’ve been saving for when such things make a comeback. I think the time is right.
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Awesome Snake Scarf Is One Warm Snake-Cessory

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snake scarf
Sweeet! This snake scarf is exactly what I need to battle the cold and look fashionably creepy this winter. I’ll wear it outside and then shed my scarf like snakeskin when inside again. You can call me Snake Plissken, or Rocky Bal-Boa constrictor. Even Cobra Commander. But don’t call me snake-neck the nerd. Them’s fighting words.

No way I’m wearing it on a plane though. I’ll ask for like one drink too many and the stewardess will be all like, “I have had it with these motherf***in’ snakes on this motherf***in’ plane!” Damn! Chill! Why don’t you sit down beside me and tell me all about it Sam Jackson. And while we’re at it, why the hell are you my stewardess today?
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Fou Lard Bacon Scarf

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bacon scarThis Fou Lard Bacon scarf looks delicious. It should keep you warm in the winter months and not make your neck all greasy like the real thing. Fun fact: The French word for a silk scarf is foulard. So…Fou Lard. That’s word play. Which is foreplay for scrabble players. I think.

Basically the guys who make this say that the word is composed by fou (insane) and lard (bacon). If bacon is insane then call my frying pan an asylum and lets give ’em all some really hot therapy. The doctor is in and it’s a good day when all of the patients end up in my tummy.

Do I even know what I’m saying? Not really? I’m mesmerized by the idea of bacon on one’s neck.
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Dead Rat Scarf

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rat scarfIs it me or are rats getting bigger lately? Must be all of that radiation everywhere mutating them. Like this dead rat scarf. That’s a long wiener rat right there. It will keep you warm and toasty and all decked out in rat fashion.

Just $70 from Etsy seller MissSnowberry. Phaw. I could knit one myself. I’ll do it now. *returns 20 days later* Behold the rat scarf! *unfurls scarf* I mean Octopus. Behold the mangled octopus!
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