Tag: sea creature

Shimmering Hologram Mermaid Tail Skirt

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Shimmering Hologram Mermaid Tail Skirt
Well call me Aquaman and slap me with your mermaid tail, you have one fine set of fish fins. No, don’t really slap me. I hate getting slapped with fish. It happens more often than you might think. This Shimmering Hologram Mermaid Tail Skirt is all kinds of sexy. Say, why are mermaids never actually maids? You never see Ariel cleaning up the house, dusting all the knick-knacks and doing laundry, having to hop in the shower or the kiddie pool every 15 minutes to keep her mermaid skin wet.

I’m gonna start a mer-maid service and get a whole stable of mermaids to clean rich people’s houses. What’s the name for a whole group of them? A gaggle? Heh. More like a waggle, judging by the way they sway their hips when they swim. A maraude. That’s it. A maraude of mermaids. A mess. A masquerade. A mirage. See, now I’m just grasping at scales, which usually ends with a mer-tail slapping my face. Which I usually deserve.

These Kraken Heels Are Tenta-Cool

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Unleash The Kraken... Heels
What’s Kraken baby? Your Kraken Heels that’s what? Now you can unleash it whenever you open your closet and put these bad boys on. When you wear a creature from the abyss, the abyss looks back at you. Cuz these shoes have eyes. I feel like a heel after typing that. These shoes are tenta-cool and hopefully not tenta-cruel to your feet. Now you will be taking each step with your tootsies wrapped in the cold and slimy embrace of a sea monster.

If your shoes have eyes, you are looking up your own skirt. Just saying. I hope you get a good eyeful of your own stuff.

Awesome Octopus Bookends

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Awesome Octopus Book Ends
What you are seeing is not in fact an Octopus who turned to stone and was then cut in half. Although that would be pretty friggin’ rad man. Gnarly even. Maybe tubular. It’s not talk like a skater day? Oh well. *Rotates hat to the proper orientation and chucks skateboard behind me as glass shatters.*

No, this is a pair of Awesome Octopus Bookends. Hang on. I sense your confusion. Same thing happened to me. It’s actually for books that are whole and intact. Not just for the ends of books that have been sawed off for whatever reason. That would be silly. I knew that and didn’t have to google it. They go on the ends of your book pile, see. It’s actually a brilliant idea.

Confession time: Someone once asked me for a pair of bookends so I tore out the last page of War and Peace and Gone With The Wind. Boy did I feel like an idiot.