Tag: sea monster

Kraken Of The Sea Hooded Scarf

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Kraken Of The Sea Hooded Scarf
Kraken of the Sea. Isn’t that what happens when the can says Chicken of the Sea, but when you open it, tentacles flail out, getting all in your nostrils and stuff? Happened to me once. Tickled.

This Kraken Of The Sea Hooded Scarf is a hoodie and a scarf in one. It’s being modeled by a lovely redhead who was just a mermaid in the wrong place at the wrong time. The right place would have been my place. The right time? 9 o’clock. Before you come over, slip into something a little more casual. I already have tentacles that will be all over you. *Raises eyebrows up and down.*
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Kraken Tentacle Wall Decals

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Kraken tentacles wall decal
Hey, what’s Kraken? These Kraken Tentacle Wall Decals, that’s what? It wants to give you a big hug, then pull you down to drown in the murky depths. Kind of like my Aunt Louise always did, except she’ll pinch your cheeks first, then pull you in for a hug so you can suffocate in her massive bosoms. That might not have been so bad, but Aunt Louise used to be Aunt Louie. I had an awkward childhood.

At family get-togethers my dad would hold him/her back at the door, then yell, “Unleash the Kraken!” and all the kids would run. I was always too slow.
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Needle Felted Octopus Tentacles

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Needle Felted Octopus Tentacles
Bring the terror of the deep to your desk or coffee table with these cool Needle Felted Octopus Tentacles. It came from the deep and now you are in the deep. Caca that is. This 6 piece sculpture consists of 3 different sized tentacles and accompanying wave breaks. They look downright terrifying.

I’ll put them on my table, but if it reaches for my potato chips, I’m laying the smack down. It better not get all touchy feely on me when I’m watching TV. Just cuz you’re made of felt doesn’t mean I’m gonna get felt up. Behave.

Unleash The Kraken…Dice Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

kraken dice bagWhat’s Kraken peeps? Nuffin much, just playing some D and D with my sweet-ass Kraken dice bag by my side. He’s been unleashed you see. And it wasn’t easy getting a leash on him in the first place so I’m not about to put him away now. Besides, I just rolled a sweet crit against an Undead Goblin Mage and the rescued halfling Princess is about to show her gratitude, if you know what I mean. *wink, wink* It’s gonna be soooo sweet. The two of us are running away together.

Because I’m the hero D and D deserves, but not the one it needs right now… Plus, I’m really horny.