This Cthulhu Ski Mask is awesome. Yet terrifying. It’s the best way ever to keep all of your tentacles warm in the winter. You probably shouldn’t wear this when you rob a store, but I know you will. You scamps.
Can you describe the man that robbed you?
Well, he was about this tall, had some horns, had a bunch of tentacles and looked like an ancient evil that has just awakened. That should narrow it down.
Laugh if you want, but Cthulhu will tell ya, your tentacles get pretty cold in the winter months. They have been known to snap off like icicles in extreme temperatures.
Get your freak on with these awesome freak masks. They literally let you wear someone else’s face on a ski mask. You can even wear a mask of your own face if it is freaky. I’d make my face available, but you couldn’t handle my face. Besides, I have to remain incognito. More like incog-neato, cuz I’m so awesome.
Just upload a picture of someone’s face to the web app, and Firebox do the rest. Once you get the mask you can just walk around your town getting arrested for being a rapist, a thief and for being just plain weird. All of the GIF images at the link above are really freaking me out, despite the fact that choosy moms choose GIF.
This Terrifying Clown Balaclava is some pretty intense knitting. Yo, quit clowning around and take that thing off. I don’t like the way you’re staring at me. Well, say something! Don’t just stand there staring at me and looking all menacing and stuff. I was having a nice relaxing, clown-free day until all this. Uh. What’s with that knife? I’m assuming you are just playing some real life Fruit Ninja, but since I don’t see any other fruit, this lemon is out of here. If you prefer to put on your clown face by using good old fashioned makeup rather than donning a Clown Balaclava, check out this cool Killer Clown Makeup Brush Holder. Because you shouldn’t clown around with your clown face. You have to take that seriously if you’re in the clown game. Your face is your money shot. wait- I mean… Nevermind.
Click through for a bonus pic in which Stephen King endorses this mask. And finds Waldo! A very cute Waldo. I think she is the knitter. Also, I just learned that knitting is not the act of removing nits from some dirty kid’s hair. Or at least it’s not only that. Who knew? You learn something new every day. Read more “Terrifying Hand-Knitted Clown Balaclava”
This Alien Face Hugger Ski Mask is perfect for any heist where you want to rob somebody AND be impregnated down the throat by a gross and nasty alien. You heard me, put all the money in the bag. You don’t want me around when my chest explodes! *BOOM. SPLAT!* What did I tell you? Wipe that blood off your face and get on the floor. It’s snack time for baby alien. By the way, I could use a doctor after that explosive C section.
This Mugga Mug is all dressed up like a thief and it has already stolen my heart. I would take this mug everywhere as I wake up and run my morning errands. No way it would get me in trouble. No way.
First it’s off to the bank where I would set it down by the teller. She would take one look at the mug and hand me a stack of money, telling me to just take it and leave. Sweet! My bank is the best. Nice people! An alarm goes off as I leave, but I’ll just let the police deal with it. No need to be a hero today. Then it’s off to the convenience store where the same thing happens. I wonder why everyone is being so nice when I notice the fuzz pulling up outside and drawing weapons. That’s when I realize this mug is like a “give me all your money note”.
No problem. I’m cool in high stress situations. I pay for my stuff, wipe my fingerprints off the handle and point to the guy behind me in line and say “You get a free mug today!” He’s all like, “Awesome. I love free stuff.”
I leave the counter as if pushed and rush out the door looking scared for my life and announce, “He says the first hostage has been released, but he’s not going down without a fight.” Read more “The Mugga Mug Makes Your Coffee Look Like A Thief”
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