Tag: skull

Screaming Skull Shelf

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Screaming Skull Shelf
Check out this Screaming Skull Shelf. He’s all like,”PUT SOME BOOKS ON ME! NOW! DO IT NOW! I NEED KNICK-KNACKS! I NEED IT NOW!” Damn son, calm yourself.

Two hours later. *Trying to sleep with a pillow over my head. Listening to the screaming.* I NEED A FLOWERPOT FOR MY SKULL. DECORATE ME NOW! DO IT NOW! I HAVE BECOME ONE WITH THE WALL. YOU WILL NEVER BE RID OF ME. I NEED A SMALL VASE!

Two hours after that. *Ding-Dong* Hello sir, we got a report of screaming coming from these premises. *Points to the skull shelf on the wall.*

OFFICER, GET ME A FRAMED PICTURE. DO IT NOW. GET ME ANYTHING! I MUST BE COMPLETE! A FISH BOWL! NOW!

Why do you always have these problems sir?

*Shrugs* You know I like to buy weird stuff. This stuff is weird. Stuff happens.

MAGAZINE PILES! NEED! DO IT NOW!

*Cop walks in. Grabs some books off a desk and puts them on the shelf. Shelf shuts the hell up at last, breathing heavy and relaxing.*

I AM COMPLETE! *Shelf falls asleep, snoring.*

*Cop looks at me.* Please stop buying this weird stuff, sir!

Small Bone Mirror With Bird Skulls

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Small Bone Mirror
Everyone looks great in a mirror that’s decorated with bones and bird skulls. I mean you look better than the skulls around your face. This Bone Mirror With Bird Skulls goes well with the coffin mirror. A mirror with bird skulls is really something to crow about. I just dove it, don’t you? Everyone is raven about it.

Hey internet boy shut up.

No you shut up. This is a free country and this is a free cafe. Well, not free. I paid for my coffee, so I’m free to blog here all I want and talk out loud while I’m typing.

And I’m free to give you a wedgie just like I did last week.

*Sigh* Yes Biff. I’m leaving now. But not because I’m scared. Not just because I’m scared, but because I can’t afford another pair of undies this week.

Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders

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Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders
These Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders show the true undead faces of this Disney couple. Put some candles in their heads and set the mood. A dark and horror-themed mood, with you dining alone on some Mac and Cheese…with two zombie mice staring at you. Ready to kill. Yet they never do, night after horror-filled night.

Sorry. My future just flashed before my eyes.

Skull Leggings

Artemis Winterford3 Comments

skull leggings
Holy Coca-Skulla those are some nice legs. Not bony at all, which is surprising when you consider those fine Skull leggings. Is it hot in here or is it just me? Are you hot blooded, check it and see. Do you got a femur of a hundred and three? See what I did there? That was a little classic rock humor.

Foreigner right?

No, I was born here. zing! Anyway, I’m gonna make like the blogging DJ I am and leave ya with a classic from The Kinks.

I met her in a club down in old Soho
Where you drink champagne and your leggings are full of skull-las
S-K-U-L-L Skull-las.

She walked up to me and she asked me to dance.
I asked her name and in a dark brown voice she said, “Skull-la”
S-K-U-L-L Skull-la, ska ska ska ska Skull-la….

Gothic Skeleton Baby In Stroller

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Gothic Skeleton Baby In Stroller
Ahhhh. Look at the cute baby. Who’s the cute little baby? Can I lift the veil and see it’s adorable baby face? WHAT THE SHIZZ? I’ve heard of parental neglect, but damn!

This Gothic Skeleton Baby In Stroller is the perfect morbid decor for your haunted house. That stroller even has a goblin head in back. Like they used to say to my mom, that is one ugly baby!

I would make this thing into a sweet remote control car and zip it up and down the aisles of the grocery store until the speaker system says, UGLY DEAD BABY ON AISLE 5! Then I’d come in like a baby-ghost whisperer and rescue them all and get free groceries for like a week.

Man I have so many hopes and dreams. Yet so little motivation. My whole life is a bucket list. That list has two things on it.

Live fast, die hung.
Kick the bucket.

I effin’ rock at life!
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