Tag: skull

Skelly Claus Holiday Skeleton Ornament Set

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Skelly Claus Holiday Skeleton Ornament Set
What the skell man! This Skelly Claus Holiday Skeleton Ornament Set has attitude. No really. I get the feeling that it would flip me off if it was still connected to a middle finger. I don’t think he likes me. You get 3 of these grumpy skeleton heads in the set, which is 3 times the heads on my tree that won’t like me on Christmas morning.

C’mon Skelly, don’t be like that. It’s not like I made fun of your name and called you smelly. Or pointed out that your body is missing. You’re a real headcase ya know that? Let’s sing some Christmas songs k?

“I really can’t stay – Baby it’s skulled outside. I’ve got to go away – Baby it’s skulled outside.” Maybe that was a bad choice. We should put on a concert, but maybe not. I know you’re concerned about scalpers… Zing! Burn baby!

Starting to see why ya don’t like me now. I’m kind of an A-hole.

Vampire Soap On A Rope: Skull On A Rope

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Vampire Soap On A Rope
Don’t be a Transylvanian dope, use Vampire Soap On A Rope. That way you’ll never drop the soap.

*Lathers up with my Vampire head. Singing “Fat Bottomed Girls” and feeling great. Feelin’ clean and refreshed as sunlight filters into the shower as day begins. I hold my Vampire soap up proudly just as sun beams hit it and then scream horribly as the Vampire face melts in my hand and drips through my fingers. Runs screaming out of the shower.*

*Sits in the corner shivering and dripping, traumatized.*

I should know better than to use Vampire soap in daylight.

Crystal Head Vodka Skull Wall Sconce

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Crystal Head Vodka Skull Wall Sconce
This Crystal Head Vodka Skull Wall Sconce is fun and crazy. Every time you turn on the light, it’s like *ding*, an idea goes off in his head, but it must be the same idea over and over again cuz he only does one thing. Light up your room. So this is what a sconce is. I always wondered. I thought it was a term for people who come from Wisconsin. I’ve been calling then sconces forever. Oh well. You live you learn. Or in my case, you live and you just blunder your way through life, thanking God for your stupid Forest Gump type luck.

It’s made from a Crystal Head Vodka bottle. Pretty cool. I still can’t believe sconces aren’t from Wisconsin.

Interior Frighting: Spine And Skull Lamp

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Interior Frighting Spine And Skull Lamp
Damn. My Spine And Skull Lamp isn’t working. I think I slipped a disc. Better call the chiropractor to come over and repair this thing. Funny story: I slipped a disc once, because I slipped on a disc. One of those old AOL discs that the postman filled my house with in the 90’s. Here’s a good one. Ready? How do Chiropractors do their hair? In-verte-braids! They like to play jump rope and play with dolls too. It’s weird.

I dated a chiropractor once. She was a real head turner. Don’t worry, she soon set me straight! Chiropractors are not all they are cracked up to be. It’s spine. Really it is.

Colorful Embellished Human Skull Replicas

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Colorful Embellished Human Skull Replicas
Are you interested in these awesome Colorful Embellished Human Skull Replicas? Yeah? Going once. Going twice. Skulled to the highest bidder. I almost said bidet. They will not be sold to the highest bidet because 1) It’s too tall and 2)bidets don’t buy things. They just shoot water up your bum-hole.

Now that we have that cleared up, or should I say now that your butt has been sprayed clean, I can tell you about these fancy decorative skulls from etsy seller PoorYorickSkulls. They come in all kinds of styles and colors. Not all kinds of shapes cuz you know, skulls is skulls. My uncle used to say that. I would tug on his sleeve and say, “Isn’t she pretty uncle? She has a nice face.” He would look and say, “Eh. Skulls is skulls. But she’s got some nice *beep*. It rhymes with holes. My uncle was an ass. I should really visit him in jail someday soon.

Anywho these skulls is awesome. Here’s a song I wrote.

These skulls ain’t got no souls.
Ain’t got no use for Doctor Scholls.
Magic so hype,
They keep your daughters off poles.
Decorate yer house,
They frighten moles.
It’s got a nose hole,
And some eye holes,
You know you love it,
So shut your pie-holes.

*Drops mic. Walks away.*
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