This martian is going to look awesome in your yard. And I can tell ya from experience that they really look like this. It was a hot August night and I was drunk-riding home on my bicycle, cuz that isn’t illegal as far as I know. That’s when I saw this thing scurrying around the neighbor’s yard, looking grumpy as hell. When I spotted him, he jammed those tentacle legs into the ground and made like a tree. I just figured I was drunk and since I had to pee anyway… And now you know why he’s got such a grumpy look on his face. Hey, you disguise yourself as a tree on a backward planet, you’re gonna get the golden shower. I don’t remember anything after that, cuz I think he went all electric and shocked my weiner.
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Tag: strange
The Bizarre Coloring Book For Adults
You ready to color in some bizarre images? The Bizarre Coloring Book For Adults is full of bizarre and weird images to color. They are so freaky, you’ll be trippin’ as you color. There’s monsters, chicks with tentacles in their hair, freaky animals. I just started coloring this book and I’m all hyped up and paranoid. Someone talk me down. I’m peaking man. I’m peaking! Peeking over at your work. You did a really nice job on your page. So pretty!
Universal Monsters Coffin Coasters
Put some whiskey on the wolfman. These Universal Monsters Coffin Coasters will protect your furniture from your drinks. Cuz your drinks are monsters to your furniture. These coasters feature wolfman, Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Put your drink on the coffin, then take off your hat and say a little prayer. May it rest in peace. Amen. Now may it rest in my belly.
Cool Skull Backpack
This Skull Backpack is pretty sweet. I wouldn’t wear it to school though. You know why? You’ll get school-iosis. Get it? That’s a bone disease caused by too much school. What I like about this backpack is that you can tell it to zip it’s lip and it will. Zip it Skull! If you don’t zip it, I will! This thing looks badass. If the world ever goes Mad Max, I’m sporting a mohawk and wearing this thing and driving a crazy car while screaming gibberish. It’s a dream of mine.
Ouija Board Panties
So you and the wife are wearing your Ouija Board Panties and getting ready to “summon some spirits” when your kid bursts through the door. Mommy, daddy, what are you doing? Well, you see son. When a man loves a woman very much, he eases his planchette across her board, until you hit just the right spot. That would be when your mother yells YES YES YES. Now get out of here and if you hear stuff banging around, it’s just some paranormal activity. Lock the door on your way out. Now where were we? Still in the mood babe? No? What do you mean GOODBYE? God Dammit!