I’m not afraid to brooch the subject. This Large Octopus Brooch is the bee’s knees, Cthulhu’s tentacles, Medusa’s locks, Frankenstein’s bolts. Too scared to wear it? Don’t be an octo-puss! This guy has eight arms to hold ya with baby. Plus he’s all ink splattered, like a pen exploded in his face. I hate when that happens. He was probably just writing in his diary and SPLAT, day ruined. Don’t let your day be ruined by missing your chance at a cool accessory.
Tag: strange
Palmistry Lampshade
Check out this cool Palmistry Lampshade. If I was a Palmist I would be all like, “Talk to the hand cuz the face don’t understand.” And I would have palm trees all over my reading room. No, not those palm trees. Palm trees that have human palms on every branch. And I would take Palm Sunday off, just cuz that’s what a Palmist does. And I’ll put Palmolive on the table and say, “You’re soaking in it!” And I would be able to tell from your palm who killed Laura Palmer. How many palm jokes can one man right? I don’t know, but I’m on fire like Napalm!
Actually, I’m tuckered out now. Not gonna palm it off on someone else. Just gonna stop. Not even a hairy palm joke. But I will say that I have no qualms about hairy palms.
Skull Planchette – A Skull For Your Spirit Board
Skull Planchette. It sounds like the name of a retired goth stripper. It’s not. It’s one of them fancy things you move around a Ouija Board while you are asking questions. Stuff like: Is there gonna be a sale on underwear at Target? Should I really pop that huge butt-zit or just let it get bigger? Cuz it hurts like hell.
This thing looks like it is screaming the whole time it glides around the board, highlighting letters. Like it wants you to put it out of it’s misery. Kinda like my marriage. No wonder I like it. I can relate to perpetual torment.
Cthulhu Mask
This Cthulhu Mask is perfect for those weird Illuminati parties that the elite like to throw, cuz it compliments stuff like goat heads and boobies. I’m totally buying this and filming a remake of Eyes Wide Shut. Only I’m going to call it Tentacles Wide Shut. It will be about a young Cthulhu who gets mixed up in this strange Illuminati world and finds out that there is a whole other reality happening all around him and that he is in fact, really Tom Cruise, the ancient smiling evil that will end us all.
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Dog Faux Taxidermy Heads
Boy are my dogs tired. Guess I better retire them and put their barking heads on the wall. These Dog Faux Taxidermy Heads from LisaPay look pretty realistic. What? A Boston Terrier? You’re barking up the wrong tree! I’m more of a Great Dane man. More like I love a great danish. You put these trophy heads on the wall and people will think that you are a dog serial killer. I don’t mean a dog that goes around killing people and calls himself the Zodiac Shiatsu. I mean it will look like you are the sicko. Anyway, nobody will ever catch the Zodiac Shiatsu or the Ted Bundy Beagle. They are too crafty.
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