This Octopus Cuff Bracelet is buff and tough and on the cuff. He’s kinda tender, kinda rough. Sadly, I’ve reached my rhyming limit for the day. This guy is large and in charge and super shiny. It’s like the kind of jewelry that an Octopus Queen would wear while summoning a Kraken. I bet it deflects bullets like Wonder Woman’s cuffs too, but don’t take my word on that. Makes me want to start an octopus jewelry business called Octopus Inc. Get it? I know, I’m a riot. Mostly cuz your silence is beating at me like a hundred police right now.
Tag: style
Frankenstein Book Wallet
Is it a book or a wallet? It’s both. A Frankenstein Book Wallet. Book ’em Franky! Now you can keep all of your important stuff in this wallet that looks like a book. That way no one will steal your stuff, cuz people don’t read anymore. In fact, I don’t even know what this book is about. I just call books paper movies that I will never see. No, I’m not Ill-literate. That means a sick person who reads. How dare you excuse me of fancy book learning.
Read more “Frankenstein Book Wallet”
Tentacle Hair Clips
Is that a tentacle bursting out of your skull or are you just happy to see me? Both? Fair enough. Mind if I ask what shampoo you use? Is it Head, Shoulders and Tentacles? That would explain it. No, I don’t see any dandruff. I’m assuming your tentacles would have brushed any flakes away by now. I’m guessing you don’t wear hats. Ohhhh. Tentacle Hair Clips. I get it. Great accessory. I-
What the- Have I been hitting on a goddamn mannequin all this time? Why didn’t you guys say anything? Now, I feel stupid. I just thought she never blinked and was really fascinated by the conversation. What really sucks is this is the second time this happened to me. So I’m calling this incident Mannequin 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Cryptozoology Tracking Society Patches
Yeah, I remember getting some of these Cryptozoology Tracking Society Patches when I was back in Paranormal Boy Scouts. I hunted down Mothman and got that patch. Hunted down the Chupacabra and got that patch too. Little freak scratched my arm and gave me gangrene. I never got the Loch Ness Monster patch cuz I never made it to Scotland. Also never got the Jersey Devil patch cuz seriously, f**k Jersey.
Put these patches all on one jacket, then go out into the woods and dare these beasts to mess with you!
Skull and Crossbones Wire Bun Cover
Damn. That Skull and Crossbones Wire Bun Cover is awesome. You know what they say, a bun on the head is better than a bun in the oven. That’s what I heard anyway. This is gonna make some librarian look totally badass. It’s Mary Poppins meets Mad Max. Where did they meet? I have no idea, but I hear they sat down for tea and talked shop for a few hours. Then they made sweet love and the credits gently rolled.