Gigantic Monster Turtleneck. For when you absolutely, positively, have to look like a giant mitten. I would wear this thing all day. Gonna buy two so I can relax and Netflix and Chill with myself all week long, and occasionally change my shell like a hermit crab. I’ve already been accused of looking like a giant slug while I lay about in my undies. Might as well go full pupa and be the giant man-insect-larvae I was born to be.
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Tag: sweater
Alien Facehugger Mask And Sweater
You know what day it is? Alien Day. The day we celebrate the classic sci-fi horror movie and one of the things that made me such a terrified and awkward child. It gave us Xenomorphs and Facehuggers and Sigourney Weaver in her undies. Anyway, to celebrate the anniversary, Mondo is selling a bunch of cool Alien stuff today. Our favorites are the Alien Sweater and the Facehugger Ski Mask.
The sweater looks pretty awesome, but that mask scares the hell out of me. I feel like I’m being robbed by a Facehugger wearing assailant every time I look at that pic. That is some scary shizz right there. It’s like man and facehugger have merged.
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Year of the Goat Canvas Art Print
Is it the year of the goat? I had no idea. I guess all of those goats in party hats celebrating the new year should have clued me in. I just thought they were trying to get my goat. Anyway, this Year of the Goat Canvas Art Print shows you how goats party down. Or is it party up? I have no idea since the only parties I attend are pity parties and I’m the only guy there. Goats know how to live it up. They have the best sweaters and blow bubbles everywhere while dancing to a tune on the boombox.
I bet that goat doesn’t have a job or anything. And you know what an unemployed goat is called right? Billy Idol! Heh. Why are they called Billy Goats anyway? You goat me. See what I did there? I goat ya again. That was too easy. I’m the king of goat jokes. I know, you’re thinking, “Goat the f**k outta here!” Fine, I’m gone.
Jesus Sweater
Happy birthday Jesus. I got you this Jesus Sweater. But you already knew that. Yeah, I know it’s a little early, but I wanted to get this out of the way so I can celebrate Christmas with Santa. Dude gives me all the cool presents. You know how it is. We cool? Aight! Catch ya on the flip side. No, don’t worry ’bout it. Ain’t no bother for the holy father.
*Lightning flashes down and I evaporate into a pile of ash.*
Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger Animated Chest of Souls Sweater
You have no idea what it is like to be tormented by a thousand souls all writhing around in your chest, but I do. Happens to me every taco night. Which was last night. After this post, I’m off to the drug store to buy whatever cream has a firefighters logo on it, cuz I’m calling in a 4 alarm fire at the corner of Owmyanus and Main. Downstairs.
In order for the rest of you mere mortals to experience this(Minus the cramping, sweating, bloating and cursing.) you’ll need this Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger Animated Chest of Souls Sweater. *Points to the writhing faces on my stomach.* That one’s the one I had first. See how it’s almost absorbed into my skin. That one’s the one I dropped on the floor and ate anyway. Hey you guys stop fighting. You’re gonna make me puke here. I didn’t eat all of you just to puke you u- Oh man! Here it comes!
*Wipes face, breathing heavy.* That tasted better going down.
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