Ghost-Bat Shoulder Bag

Ghost-Bat Shoulder Bag
The legend of Ghost bat lives on! Ghost bat. Other bats fear him, because deep down inside, they want to be just like him. He’s a bat. He’s a ghost. He’s the ghost bat with the most. Screw that Casper guy. The Ghost-Bat Shoulder Bag is awesome. How they trapped the soul of a bat on a shoulder bag, I have no idea, but it is cool as f**k. eeekkkkkk. ekkkkkkkkkk. Wait, do they ekkk or shriek. Now I’m not sure. I know they like to poop in caves. Hey, it’s always preferable to poop indoors when given the choice. Otherwise you have to use this.

These Junk Food Purses Are Making Me Hungry

These Junk Food Purses Are Making Me Hungry
If I had a purse, and I don’t, I would keep all of my junk food in it. What about that bag you carry around with you? That’s not a purse. That’s a laptop bag. Don’t you keep your chapstick in there? You shut up. You shut your fat mouth. You sound pretty emotional. Do you have any menstrual pads in there? Shut up! You hear me? Here, have a Snickers bar. You are a real diva when you get hungry. Thanks. *Om nom nom* Turns back into Steve Buscemi.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Me, Steve Buscemi, really digs these purses. I think you will too. They’re junk food, but also purses. I don’t carry a purse, but if I did- You do idiot. Shut up will you? Here, have another snickers. You are a real diva when you are Steve Buscemi. *Om nom nom.* Turns into Betty White.

You know what, I’m just gonna give up Snickers bars and be myself.
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Alien vs Pinhead Painting

Alien vs Pinhead Painting
Aw. Look at that alien getting ready to tuck in Pinhead in this Alien vs Pinhead Painting. Maybe read him a little dead-time story. I had no idea these two were friends. Pinhead has great taste in bedsheets. But how does he sleep without poking holes in his pillow? Guy must go through a pillow a night. Wait. I don’t think they’re friends. I think that alien is gonna eat that pinhead. Well, everything but his head. No way that alien wants to cut up his mouth.

Hush my little Pinhead, don’t you cry.
Alien’s in your room and you will die.
He’s here to pull your face away from your head.
And leave it on the pillow on your bloody bed.

Aliens Facehugger Heart Necklace

Aliens Facehugger Heart Necklace
If you give this Aliens Facehugger Heart Necklace to someone you love, it could lead to a Valentine’s day massacre. Hugs are great and all, but not when they come from alien scum that wants to kill you with hugs to the face. At least this guy here is hugging a heart, but he will gladly trade that to wrap around your heart and squeeze real tight.

Present this with a box of chocolates and she will love you forever. Or at least until her face gets hugged off. What kind of creature evolves to hug face anyway? Suckin’ face? That I understand. every teen evolves into that? But what species says, I want to hug face when I grow up.” Have they seen the faces of most humans. I have and let me tell you, we are f***in hideous. Sure, we have a few lookers, but most of us? Real f***in’ ugly. I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Or in the tentacle of your Facehugger. I hope this guy finds an attractive face. Other than mine obviously. I make my living with this face. No, seriously, this one network pays me to stay off TV. YouTube too.

The X-Files Saint Scully and Saint Mulder Prayer Candle Set

The X-Files Saint Scully and Saint Mulder Prayer Candle Set
These X-Files Saint Scully and Saint Mulder Prayer Candles will help to insure that your prayers reach them and aren’t intercepted by grey aliens. You know how it is when you pray to Saint Scully and Saint Mulder. Mulder wants to believe so he’ll listen to anything, but Sculley is a skeptic so she’s the one you really have to convince.

Tell them all of your darkest secrets and throw your prayers their way. I’m gonna ask for a ride on a UFO and a sweet conspiracy adventure where I can’t trust anyone. I’m already with the feds. No really. I’m a F-emale B-ody I-nspector.