Hey guys, I think I just discovered what stands guard at the gates of hell. What? No, not my wife! Well, her too. I’m talking about this Evil Metal Robot Hell Dog. It can’t be stopped, it can’t be reasoned with, but I hear if you give it a nice bowl of warm milk, it will lay down and purr, then you can pass. Nevermind. That’s for evil robot hell cats. Yeah, if you see this thing, just kiss your butt goodbye. If you have three grand to spare, you can park it in your yard and command this hell beast or spend all day riding it like a motorcycle and making vroom vroom noises. That’s what I’d do.
Tag: yard art
Alien Spider-Lady Sculpture
Spider-Lady, Spider-Lady. Does whatever a Spider-Lady does. You know, eat her young, go to spinning class and spin some kick-ass webs all over town, wield a knife- Wait. What the- This Alien Spider-Lady Sculpture is more badass than I thought. Nice Medusa-like hair too. Your web or mine baby? You promise not to bite my head off after? Cool.
*Some time later* That was great baby! *Smokes* Nah, I’m good. I don’t need an extra blanket. No, really, stop spinning that cocoon around me. It’s too hot for- Oh poopy.
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Amityville, Friday the 13th, Nightmare Elm Street Horror Crossroads Sign
Let’s see. Which way do I go? I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque. This Amityville, Friday the 13th, Nightmare Elm Street Horror Crossroads Sign will guide the way. Although I don’t think you are going to like any of your destinations. I’m just turning back. Seriously, you have fun with whatever you choose. I’m gonna go take a nap or something.
Inflatable Crashed UFO
What the deuce? That’s no weather balloon! Also not swamp gas! You put this Inflatable Crashed UFO in your yard and the military is gonna show up and start silencing witnesses. They don’t want you to know that inflatable aliens exist. They also want to reverse engineer inflatable UFOs and steal their superior inflatable UFO technology.
Why do you think our pool toys got so much better? Why do you think our love dolls are so irresistible? With such full lips and soft skin. So realistic… Just guessing about that last one.
And I don’t need no Men in Black showing up. I already know. I didn’t see nothing and nothing happened here. Consider my mind like my butt. Wiped.
Zombie Gnombie Statue
This Zombie Gnombie Statue is all undead and rising from the dirt. He gets bonus points for having stigmata marks on his hands. What up my homie from another gnomie? You just gonna stay silent wit yo zombie self? Aight, be like dat Aber-gnombie and bi*ch!
Why you crawling all up in my yard anyway? *Steps on his head and pushes him back down* Dat’s what it is. This ain’t no halfway house for horror gnomes. Pop up in somebody else’s yard else I’mma have to play whack-a-gnome! Ya get me? Aight! Peace! Don’t be leaving no gopher trails in my grass now!