Author: Artemis Winterford

Crazy Demented Sculptures

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Crazy Demented Sculptures
If you’re looking for nightmare fuel, you came to the right place. Just pull in, fuel up and freak out. It’s all self serve, but I’ll clean your windshield for you all old timey like and leave it grimey, cuz I’m just out here having a smoke anyway. These ceramic sculptures by Canadian artist, Shary Boyle are weird and trippy and make me feel funny.

That’ll be $50. Now pull forward so other people can get their fill of nightmare fuel. You can see more at her website.
Read more “Crazy Demented Sculptures”

Dental Phantom Accent Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Dental Phantom Accent Lamp
Beware the Dental Phantom… I guess cuz he’s just plain nasty and eats light bulbs. This Dental Phantom Accent Lamp is some really freaky interior frighting. He’s got a chrome dome and an appetite for light. These things were used to teach dental students how to turn your teeth into stuff like, yachts, fast cars, summer homes, blow, prostitutes and bail, for those nights when it all goes to hell. Now it’s a lamp that gives you nightmares.

Gothic Snake Ring

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Gothic Snake Ring
Why did it have to be snakes? I hate snakes. Especially goth snakes. Oh wait. I read that wrong. It’s a Gothic Snake Ring, not a Goth snake ring. I thought the lack of eyeliner and general lack of emo tendencies was a little strange. I don’t really hate snakes. I like ’em cuz they make cool jewelry. I just hate when you encounter them in nature. Good thing for me I never go out into “nature”. I’m paler than a redhead living in a cave. I had some plastic plants once and that’s the closest I ever got to nature. So I’m not afraid of no snakes, Goth or Gothic. Or even Gaelic.

Zombie Octopus Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Zombie Octopus Necklace
This Zombie Octopus Necklace is pretty cute, but how in the hell did he become a zombie? What? Zombies ran out of humans to bite and just started swimming, turning the sea life into zombies? His past is questionable is all I’m saying. Sort of like my own. Never ask me about the summer of 94 and that trip to Jersey with a tranny tied up in the back of the truck.

Hey, I said never ask me about it!

Fine, I was working for Pep Boys and delivering a transmission to Jersey and it took me like 2 days to get there. Sheesh. What’s with the third degree? I had to tie the transmission down in back cuz it had already fell off once and killed a deer. Almost killed the Jersey Devil too.

Oh…you thought I meant tranny. That’ll teach you to assume. Every time you assume you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”. Heard that one in grade school.

Sugar Skull Wine Glasses

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Sugar Skull Wine Glasses
Damn, these Sugar Skull Wine Glasses are bright. It just went all technicolor up in this biatch. Oh, that’s just my dream coat. Is it the Day of the Dead already? I can never keep track. I guess it’s everyday when you have these glasses.

Dia De Los Muertos!

What did you call me? Yeah, that’s what I thought.