This Skull and Books Planter will make your garden look all classy and Gothic. Is that an Aloe mohawk. Skulls look awesome with plant punk hair. If this guy had a guitar, he would totally rock your garden. The Garden Gnomes would open for him. He wouldbe playing guitar, flinging that plant hair all around. Kicking dirt everywhere…. And then that hallucinogen would wear off, cuz you trippin’ fool! Whoever heard of a skull hard rockin’ a garden? What’s wrong with you?
Author: Artemis Winterford
Creepy Crochet – Cup o’ Fingers
Cup o’ Fingers anyone? Anybody? No? Too gross? It’s all good, it’s just some creepy crochet that a creeper crafted up. I’m not much into finger food myself. I mean, I’ll eat it with my fingers, sure. Then wipe the grease all over my shirt. What? “Shirts ain’t nothin’ but giant napkins you wear!” Sage advice if I ever heard it. That little gem came from my 400 pound uncle. Probably not the best role model. He was so fat, he had trouble moving, basically had to sit still Buddha style and have food brought to him. Sometimes I would rub his tummy for luck as I passed by. That man wore the same napkin for 20 years… Until napkins stopped fitting him.
Classic Movie Monsters 8 Bit Pixel Art
This Classic Movie Monsters 8 Bit Pixel Art is scary. Video game style monsters just freak me out. I’m gonna decorate my house with these guys and pretend I’m in a video game with them. I’ll be all Sonic, running super fast and they’ll be doing their slow monster shuffle. Then my mom will probably turn the game off and tell me to get to school just like she did when I was a kid.
These days she turns my internet off and tells me to get a job. Then she uses phrases like “40 years old” and “Do you enjoy living in your mother’s basement?” She needs to get her priorities straight and focus on work, so I have a place to live. Damn.
Colorful Anatomy Coasters
I like to bring out these Colorful Anatomy Coasters when I have guests. It’s a visual illustration of which body part I will harm if they don’t use the coaster and stain my furniture. Here, have a nice skeleton hand coaster. What? You set your drink on my tabletop and left a mark? Oh well, the coaster was the warning. *Hits their hand hard*
Nah. I would never cause anyone bodily harm. Except for myself obviously, by eating a pound of Cheetos everyday for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Lovecraftian Horror Portal
Getting hungry. I’ll just make myself a nice little healthy salad with some- WHAT IN THE TENTACLED HELL? WHAT FOUL DEMON POURS INTO THIS REALITY FROM YONDER PORTAL? Oh, it’s just another Lovecraftian horror. Phew. Ever since I got this Lovecraftian Horror Portal, horrors have been busting in like Kramer on Seinfeld. *Quickly makes a sandwich. Tentacles scoop it up and retreat back where they came from.*
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