Category: Creep Wear

Real Granny Panties: Golden Girls Underwear

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For Real Granny Panties Golden Girls Underwear
This 4 pack of Golden Girls underwear from Etsy shop BulletandBees will keep your crotch covered in old ladies for 4 out of the 5 business days of the week. I guess we need a fifth granny to round out the week. I vote for my granny. She’s always up in people’s business. Plus, she’s crotchety. Which means she’s grumpy, not that she likes to knit. Also, my granddaddy always used to say, “Get off my crotch woman!”

So yeah, I vote grandma. I hope she wins the panty election of 2015 and I get full credit as her campaign manager. She’s for the people and won’t leave ya crotch-less. Hope and change is her slogan. Not that that worked out so well last time. She HOPES that you will CHANGE your undies on a regular basis. What if you got into a car accident, for God’s sake?

Thanks Jeremy. I know you got yourself a 4 pack.

These Kraken Heels Are Tenta-Cool

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Unleash The Kraken... Heels
What’s Kraken baby? Your Kraken Heels that’s what? Now you can unleash it whenever you open your closet and put these bad boys on. When you wear a creature from the abyss, the abyss looks back at you. Cuz these shoes have eyes. I feel like a heel after typing that. These shoes are tenta-cool and hopefully not tenta-cruel to your feet. Now you will be taking each step with your tootsies wrapped in the cold and slimy embrace of a sea monster.

If your shoes have eyes, you are looking up your own skirt. Just saying. I hope you get a good eyeful of your own stuff.

Life Size Zombie Head Purse

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Life Size Zombie Head Handbag
This Life Size Zombie Head Purse is pre-shot for your enjoyment. It’s the perfect place to hold all of your post-apocalyptic necessities. Like guns, knives and first-aid kits. Plus, whenever you get accosted by a zombie you can just hold this head up and let ’em know you mean business. You wanna be next? Huh? How ’bout I install a zipper in that rotting melon you call a head and pack my makeup inside! You like that?

Speaking of makeup, that purse could use some eye cream. Check out all those bags under his eyes. I haven’t seen so many old and wrinkly bags since the 1986 Golden Girls convention, but when you’re a super fan like me ya just gotta deal. Look at the bloodshot eyes on this thing too. And the hole in the head. Maybe keep your lipstick in that hole for easy access.

Thanksgiving Roasted Turkey Hat

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Thanksgiving Roasted Turkey Hat
Do ya really wanna be that guy who wears the Thanksgiving Roasted Turkey Hat on Thanksgiving? Why the hell not? I spend my holidays alone basting my turkey all day anyway. What? If ya don’t do it often, your bird gets dry. I’ve had a lot of practice so I’m a basically a master-baster. Hell, I’ll master-baste all day long if no one stops me. Now I have a sweet hat to wear while doing it.

Fashionably Creepy: Acid Washed Denim Bag With Panda

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KPop Kawaii Mori Girl Boho Bag
Sure. Why not accessorize with stuffed animals? This is an Acid Washed Denim Bag With Panda. Is the Panda also acid washed? I have no idea. Goes good with that weird snakeskin top. Reminds me of that time I was all like, “Mom, can I have some acid washed jeans? It’s what the hip kids are wearing. Can I mom? Can I? Please? You suck mom.” And with that she gave in, went into the garage, came out with a bottle of acid, ripped the jeans off me, threw them in the washer and upended the bottle in behind them.

Five minutes later, holding up the tattered, ashen and smoky rags that used to be jeans, “Now leave me alone, my soaps are on.” So I did. I gotta give her credit, mom always got things done after that mid-morning happy hour.