Jurassic Houseware: Dinosaur Plates

dinosaur plates

Eat up and make that meal extinct when you eat off of Dinosaur Plates. Have some Tex-Mex on a T-Rex, serve up the broccoli on a Brachiosaurus. Get all Pie-rannosaurus on a Tyrannosaurus! Reminds me of that time my roommate got a set of fancy Dinosaur plates. I cut a hole in the ceiling and waited for him to finish his dinner, then I throw rocks through the hole and broke ’em into a million pieces. “Meteors! Run or you’ll all be extinct!”

After he cooled down, he ordered more and informed me that the dinosaurs went extinct because the plant life died everywhere, not because of a meteor. So the next week I threw out all of his fruit and vegetables and put X’s over all the dinosaur eyes before I smashed the plates and buried them in his trash, with some chocolate syrup to simulate fossil fuel.

Bullet Bouquets: In Boom Right Now

bullet bouquet
Bullet Bouquets. They boom when they bloom. But enough of that gloom and doom. Artist Anthony Zambai and wife create these Bullet Bouquets. Bang bang, bloom bloom. Flower power. Each bouquet is made of authentic, spent hollow point bullets. They are sold as tiny pots of 3 to 12 “buds”. Hey bud. Boom.

They make great gifts. Nothing says I love you like spent ammunition that you “spent” your money on. These bullets could have been used to kill a living thing, but instead, I present them to you as flowers. Please love me. I’m so alone and my impending mortality scares me.

Call of Cthulhu Playing Cards

cthulu playing cards
Want to spice up your Poker Night? Invite Cthulhu! These Call of Cthulhu Playing Cards feature all kinds of characters based on the Cthulhu mythos. The artwork depicts a selection of eldritch horrors and Lovecraft himself on one card.

I have a full house, Cthulhu high. Let me see that. I’ve never seen Cthulhu high. Yep, he definitely looks stoned. Take your card game to the next horror-filled level with these officially licensed Call of Cthulhu playing cards. *singing* You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em…* Fun fact: I used to think that song was about pizza. I fold mine. Big gut, small mouth.

Gonna go grab a slice or three now and let the cheese drip until I have tentacles all over my chin.
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Richard Nixon Fighting A Sabertooth Tiger Art Print

nixon fighting a sabertooth
This fine art print of Tricky Dick “I am not a crook” Nixon shows Richard Thrillhouse Nixon battling a sabertooth tiger. He’s got him down and is pouncing all over him, getting ready to punch him in the face with his brass knuckles.

I didn’t like Richard Nixon before, but now the man is one of my personal heroes, right up there with Pee-Wee Herman and whoever the guy was who invented Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. You got your chocolate in my peanut butter. No you got YOUR peanut butter in my chocolate. Who cares? Damn that’s good!
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Realistic Pokemon Instill Realistic Fear

realistic pokemon
Etsy seller Bakucosas makes Realistic Pokemon that look scary as hell. They only have 3 in their shop right now, so catching them all is impossible. Bulbasaur looks like he will eat your hand clean off and then rip out your tongue and wipe his mouth with it.

I don’t know anything about Pokemon, but I know when to run like hell and throw my tiny dog at it. Your sacrifice will not be in vain Fluffy. I vow to breed my own Pokemon and one day I will return to avenge you! Or just, you know, maybe get a new dog. That’s probably easier on everyone.
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