Oh Gnome they dit’int! They filled some jars with gnome skulls. Not numb-skulls, which I get called on a regular basis, but gnome skulls. Have you gnome shame? I can’t look. I just feel gnome!
I had no idea that a Large Jar of Garden Gnome Skulls could look so creepy and horrible. Gnome more, please!
Gnome. Gnome on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play…with gnome bones.
Whatcha doin’ rubber lips? Just being a Rubber Lips Wall Hanging and hanging around, waiting to be kissed? What’s that? If I kiss you, you’ll turn into a beautiful full fledged woman? Yeah, but will you still be rubber? Doesn’t matter, my last relationship was the same way. I’ll hang you at lip height so I can kiss you. Then the magic happens. Let’s just get rid of that cigarette first. Those lips sure are nice.
*Looks around to make sure nobody is watching.* You know what, that space is reserved for a poster I have my eye on. I’m just gonna put you wayyy down here at belt buckle level. Just below. Yeah, cuz wall space is at a premium. Hey, you know what…..
Chicken butt!
You people and your dirty minds. I just have very little wall space. Geesh!
These Jesus bandages better turn by bloody gash into wine, cuz I only have like a dollar. I’ll slap Jesus on my fresh wound on my arm, give him like 2 minutes, cuz miracles take time, then rip it off and start sucking that sweet nectar from myself.
*Spits blood everywhere!* What the hell JC! Great, now I’m a vampire.
Damn! This Crazy Alien Skull Statue is freaking me out. This would be a kick-butt home to the world’s most badass hermit crab. Can you imagine a crab walking up to you wearing this thing as a house? That is some end times apocalypse stuff right there.
With or without a crab, this thing will look awesome on your desk. Cuz you know, freaky alien skull.
Fun fact: Like the hermit crab, my hips can anchor in my doorway, but I’m just not strong enough to carry the house yet.
How now brown cow. You look like you got run over with a plow. I don’t think this Cow Skin Rug is made from actual cow skin. There’s no way to know since the seller’s add says absolutely nothing.
I’m gonna go ahead and guess it was a leftover from some UFO cow mutilation, cuz I know sometimes they just toss the leftovers out of the ship, like that time I saw a UFO and a cow fur suit fell from the sky. I put that baby right on and ewwwwww! Just like thrift store clothes, I shoulda cleaned it first. It was like an icky squishie pair of footy pajamas with hooves.
What can you do but shake your fist at those alien bastids and walk home in utter shame?