The Ant Watch lets you tell the time with real living ants. No, not really. It’s just an April Fools joke. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t wear it. It’s the first watch that literally lets you kill some time. With Raid!
What time is it?
Ants.
Now?
Ants.
*5 hours later* What about now?
Dead ants. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant. Time to play the Pink Panther. I’ll be Cato, you be Inspector Clouseau. *Karate chop to your neck! Lunges at you with the curtain rod and falls out the opposite window.*
Are numbers too much for you? If you can’t figure out how to read a clock by using the hands and numbers, this Clock Hands Wall Clock takes it down to basics for you, showing just the hands. It’s like this one, but not quite.
I don’t need no stinkin’ numbers on my fancy timepiece. I tell time like every other American. By what’s on TV. Which also tells you the day. For instance if Better Call Saul is on, I know it’s Monday night at 10. Thing is, I don’t do well when people are watching DVDs all damn day. I’m trying to figure out the day and time people! What day is it? What year am I in? *Cries*
When you read at a third grade level as I do, even the Harry Potter books are monster books. I got to about the third paragraph then took off the dust jacket and put it around my iPad so I could read the movie instead. Much easier. Until my ADD kicked in and then I had to play the Harry Potter video game, which didn’t last long because, hey a cat that needs petting!
Long story short, I have no idea what this Harry Potter Monster Book Of Monsters Replica is all about. I think it rewards reading by biting your face off or something. You see why I avoid books and words and stuff? The only reason I can type halfway coherently for you guys is because I have the mailman proofread and edit. I just grab him everyday when he hits my mailbox. In return I complete his route for him twice a week. If you can call delivering mail to the dumpster behind the convenience store completing a route. Hey, it is junk mail. Duh! And I have no idea where those Netflix DVDs went, but those shiny coasters all over the house have nothing to do with it.
Want to spice up your Poker Night? Invite Cthulhu! These Call of Cthulhu Playing Cards feature all kinds of characters based on the Cthulhu mythos. The artwork depicts a selection of eldritch horrors and Lovecraft himself on one card.
I have a full house, Cthulhu high. Let me see that. I’ve never seen Cthulhu high. Yep, he definitely looks stoned. Take your card game to the next horror-filled level with these officially licensed Call of Cthulhu playing cards. *singing* You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em…* Fun fact: I used to think that song was about pizza. I fold mine. Big gut, small mouth.
Gonna go grab a slice or three now and let the cheese drip until I have tentacles all over my chin.
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Etsy seller Bakucosas makes Realistic Pokemon that look scary as hell. They only have 3 in their shop right now, so catching them all is impossible. Bulbasaur looks like he will eat your hand clean off and then rip out your tongue and wipe his mouth with it.
I don’t know anything about Pokemon, but I know when to run like hell and throw my tiny dog at it. Your sacrifice will not be in vain Fluffy. I vow to breed my own Pokemon and one day I will return to avenge you! Or just, you know, maybe get a new dog. That’s probably easier on everyone.
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