Tag: accessories

Sugar Skull Wood Folding Comb

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Sugar Skull Wood Folding Comb Whoa. Your hair is going to look cool thanks to this Sugar Skull Wood Folding Comb. Take it out of your pocket, flick it open like a switchblade and comb those locks. You’ll be looking as good as that bearded, well haired skeleton on it’s side.

Comb your hair, comb your beard, hell comb your pubes and make Mr. Winky look all dapper. I don’t judge. This is one stylish comb that will come in handy. I’m gonna comb my beard all day. For snacks. Cuz that’s where I store them. I’m lying, I don’t have a beard. My five o’clock shadow is more like 4 o’clock and still waiting. I just don’t seem to have the necessary man-genes to grow a fuzzy face.

Octopus Tentacles Umbrella

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Octopus Tentacles Umbrella
This Octopus Tentacles Umbrella will look amazing while it keeps the rain off of you. Like Cthulhu himself, it has tentacles everywhere. Except that his are usually grabbing at a waitress as he calls her toots. You can’t take him anywhere. This is a classy umbrella. Otherwise known as a parasol, if you’re all fancy-like. And you will be fancy, prancing about town, tentacles held high, the water just careening off this thing, giving the impression that you are a protected behind a waterfall. You smile and with your free hand, tease your hair. That’s right. You are woman and everyone can hear that sexy roar.

You have this umbrella to thank. And of course me, who brought it to your attention. I know, I know. No need to thank me. Just doing my job.

Voodoo Top Hat And Staff

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

voodoo-top-hat-and-staff
This Voodoo Top Hat And Staff is sweet. Makes me want to twirl that hat and bounce it on my head as I shake the staff and kick into a musical number. That’s the kind of voodoo I’d do, but who do voodoo when you can just watch Hulu? With a fellow named Sulu? Or Cthulu? I have no idea, but that’s actually a good question. I’ll think on it while I’m wearing my cool Voodoo pimp-daddy hat. Smoking my fine cigar and stroking my python. I know that sounds wrong, but stroking your python is so fun you don’t wanna stop. With this hat you can get away with it. Stroke it all day if ya want. No one’s gonna tell you to stop.

Gargoyle Earrings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Gargoyle Earrings
These Gargoyle Earrings will just sit there, dangling from your ears, like, “Hey, what’s up? Just gonna chill here for awhile and do my stone demon thing. Try not to drip earwax on me k? We’re both deep in thought here.”

Gargoyles are perfect for Gar-girls! Their piercing glare are why your ears are pierced in the first place. You are gonna look stylin’ my little leapshun.

Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks
I must be a bird cuz these Scarecrow Masks from darkmasks scare the bejeebus out of me. You know what happens when a bird sees these faces looking at ’em? They just explode in a mess of feathers and guts. That’s how scary these masks are.

This reminds me of that time I did a stand up routine for a room full of scarecrows. You can guess how that went. Yeah, I left them in stitches. I’d offer these scarecrows something to eat, but they’re already stuffed. Yeah, that’s just a little scarecrow humor. That’s the last straw I promise.
Read more “Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks”