Tag: accessories

Freaky Mummy Earrings

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Freaky Mummy Earrings
Is it just me or do these mummy earrings look like plain old dead rats that somebody wrapped up in tea-stained toilet paper? I’ve had dead rats wrapped in TP attached to me before, but that was at a run down gas station. Never walk into a broken down old gas station bathroom covered in potato chip crumbs and peanut butter from your beard to your gut. Especially if it has a crazy-ass rats nest inside.

I hear mummy rats at in fashion this season. Everyone’s wearing ’em. Maybe even your own mummy. I feel like these guys need a sarcophagus gift box. Then they would be complete.
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Vintage Bat Sunglasses

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Vintage Bat Sunglasses
Go batty with these cool Vintage Bat Sunglasses. If you don’t mind people knowing that you’re a vampire, these are perfect. I should check with my bat-tometrist and see if these will work with my own limited bat-like vision. *Tosses my old glasses aside.* Goodbye coke-bottle lenses! You think that’s bad, my eye doctor wanted me to upgrade to Pepsi. We compromised at Mountain dew. *Tries on bat sunglasses.* Yeah, that didn’t help.

Oh, right… Sunglasses. If I could read the writing, I would have known that. That’s me, blind as a bat. At least now I can have a bat on my face.

Kraken Octopus Ring

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Kraken Octopus Ring
Unleash the Kraken! Well, you didn’t have to give me the finger while wearing a Kraken Octopus Ring. That’s not a very nice way to unleash the Kraken. Then again, now that I think about it, there’s probably no polite way to unleash the Kraken. And I really have to stop barging into rooms and shouting that.

You would think I would have learned my lesson after rushing through my bathroom door and shouting it. The plumber was still crouched over the toilet, and he had already unleashed his hairy Crack-en. *sigh* Some phrases sound cool, but should never be uttered.
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Jewelry With Coffin Shaped Gemstones

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Jewelry With Coffin Shaped Gemstones
Etsy seller MordauntesCoffinGems sells all kinds of Jewelry With Coffin Shaped Gemstones. They are dead pretty! So pretty that you will want to bury them in your jewelry box. Fun fact: I want to be buried while suspended within a coffin shaped piece of amber, so future generations of humans that look like aliens can dig me up and bring me back to life by using my DNA. Which also stands for Do Not Aggravate me. I hope they don’t piss me off. They’ll create a whole park where I can roam and where visitors can watch me in my habitat. Yay! Jurassic Me!

But you know they’re just gonna do something to tick me off. Then I’ll have to run wild on all of the evolved alien folk. Those are gonna be some sweet times!

Alien Facehugger Mask And Sweater

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Alien Facehugger Mask And Sweater
You know what day it is? Alien Day. The day we celebrate the classic sci-fi horror movie and one of the things that made me such a terrified and awkward child. It gave us Xenomorphs and Facehuggers and Sigourney Weaver in her undies. Anyway, to celebrate the anniversary, Mondo is selling a bunch of cool Alien stuff today. Our favorites are the Alien Sweater and the Facehugger Ski Mask.

The sweater looks pretty awesome, but that mask scares the hell out of me. I feel like I’m being robbed by a Facehugger wearing assailant every time I look at that pic. That is some scary shizz right there. It’s like man and facehugger have merged.
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