Check out this Mechanical Flying Saucer UFO Ring that really spins like a UFO. I have no idea how accurate it is. Never seen a UFO in the sky. But I have seen UFO’s at the local Walmart.
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Tag: accessory
Levi’s Of Doom And Gloom
Damn girl. You got a fine ba-doom-kadonk. Looking all rave yard in your graveyard. I’m just sayin’ I’d like to hold a rave in that grave. Wait this isn’t a guy right? Man, I hope not. That can NEVER happen again. Now shhhh!
These Levi’s Of Doom And Gloom ain’t got no room cuz they full of booty and pulling double duty. Keeping things tight with fright. They’ll fit you just right in your skull hole. Skinny or tight, how they fit don’t matter. After you buy ’em you know you gettin’ fatter.
And THAT is how you write an ad to sell your cool ass end of the world jeans. Because I noticed you didn’t. You’re welcome.
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Black Cat Felted Scarf
This Black Cat Felted Scarf looks like someone pumped Mr. Whiskers up cartoon style with a bicycle pump and popped him with a pin, then shrugged and just draped it around their neck.
Don’t get me wrong, it looks awesome and kind of evil, but also very deflated and traumatized. It looks like it even has whiskers.
Winter is coming. Don’t be caught out in the cold without Mr. Pussums around your neck. That’s what my mom used to say anyway. Which is why I have so many cat scratches around my neck and why my hat rack has a cat house on top.
The Watermelon Skirt: Hey, Nice Be-Rind
I’ve never seen a pair of watermelons crawling through the grass like that. Don’t worry, I won’t tell Gallagher. These watermelons look nice and ripe and have super nice rinds. Wait, it’s a female! Wearing a watermelon skirt. Good thing you got up. Slithering through the grass like that, your rump looked like two ripe melons walking down the aisle.
I still stand by what I said. You have a nice be-rind. And that’s coming from a guy who prefers the seedless variety.
Shark Attack Spiked Wedges
*Sits down to dinner. Eyes the hot chick across from me. Immediately starts playing footsies and moving my eyebrows.* CHOMP! HOLY HELL! *Screams and puts my bloody stump on the table. Blood shooting everywhere.*
The hot chick smiles and puts both feet on the table, all decked out in their Shark Attack Spiked Wedges, looking proud of herself. She tells me I shouldn’t swim in shark infested waters, but I don’t hear her. I’m passed out from shock and loss of blood.
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