Tag: accessory

The Truth is Out There X-Files Scarf

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The Truth is Out There X-Files Scarf
I hear ya. Why would I buy an X-Files Scarf in the middle of the summer? That’s what you’re thinking. Well, that’s what they want you to think. It’s a conspiracy, wrapped in a riddle, inside of an enigma, inside of a pit that holds a quagmire. They don’t want you to have a scarf and be prepared for the cold weather to come. So they hide the truth. Right in plain sight. Is it really summer? Are you sure? Maybe a false summer created by planes spraying chemtrails, cuz they modify the weather, cuz aliens need a warmer climate.

Buy this scarf, cuz when the resistance grounds those chemtrail planes and makes the planet colder, you’re gonna need it. Hope you like snow you alien freaks!
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Bat Choker Necklace

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Bat Choker Necklace
This Bat Choker Necklace looks awesome. Let me clarify, cuz words can be confusing. This jewelry is called a bat choker, but is not about choking bats. Choking bats is bad and I’m pretty sure it is illegal in at least 11 states. It is in fact a bat that also happens to be a choker… No, I don’t mean that this bat flies around choking victims. That would just be silly and anyway, there hasn’t been a bat-choking case since 1881. And I’m pretty sure that guy choked on a hot dog and just blamed a bat. No, it’s- I give up. I just wanted to share this cool necklace. Sheesh.

Cat Eating Mouse Door Knocker

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Cat Eating Mouse Door Knocker
Just look at that cat-eating grin. This Cat Eating Mouse Door Knocker is pretty awesome. For the cat. Not so much for the mouse. Just swing the mouse and knock on the door. But knock 3 times. I might be getting busy inside, if you know what I mean. Hint, hint. Nudge, nudge. Heh. Yeah, probably not. Okay, just knock regular-like. Most likely I’ll be feeding my face and watching Netflix.

On a side-note, damn that cat is bronzed like a New Jersey housewife. Somebody done bronzed their puss. Now don’t be dirty, I’m just talkin’ ’bout the cat door knocker.
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Optical Illusion Hypnotic Spiral Ring

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Optical Illusion Hypnotic Spiral Ring
I am getting very sleepy. My eyelids are very heavy. I will do whatever you say. What? Because of the Optical Illusion Hypnotic Spiral Ring you are wearing? No, cuz I wanted those fries on your plate. You gonna eat those or what? Fries hypnotize me every time. Cool ring by the way. What’s it supposed to do?
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Curse of Ezekiel Gothic Bracelet

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Curse of Ezekiel Gothic Bracelet
I have no idea what the curse of Ezekiel is, but it looks like getting a pair of skeleton handcuffs slapped on you. This Curse of Ezekiel Gothic Bracelet is like having skeleton hands gripping your wrist all day. Get off me. Get off me already. Oh yeah, that’s right, I’m wearing them willingly. It has a good grip. Real sturdy. This guy definitely had his calcium for strong bones. I just wish he would stop digging his nails into me. Do you even own nail clippers?