Tag: accessory

Glow in the Dark Skeleton Clutch

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Glow in the Dark Skeleton Clutch
Here I go again, coming through for you in the clutch. Even if I don’t know what that means. I just wanted to do something clever with the word clutch, aside from being told not to grind it because I’m used to driving an automatic. Anyway, check this out girls. This is a Glow in the Dark Skeleton Clutch. It’s got skeletal ribs on the front and feet with legs in the back. It also glows in the dark like that lasagna I accidentally left in the microwave overnight. The plus side is that that dinner now powers my house like lasagna-plutonium.

Anyway are you the sexy lady that can pull off this creepy cool clutch and look oh so sexy? I say yes because you got it going on girl! Get down wit yo bad self!
Read more “Glow in the Dark Skeleton Clutch”

Real Insect Jewelry: Beetle Necklaces

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Real Insect Jewelry Beetle Necklaces
Check out these Beetle Necklaces. These beetles are pretty colorful. Apparently they are also called Weevils, because God forbid you have one easy word for an insect. Stupid scientists and bug nerds!

Evel Knievel was an evil weevil who liked to paint on an easel, and everyone thought he was a weasel. Yay! I made words rhyme. I’m just awesome like that. Did I do good? Can I have a treat daddy? Since I am my own daddy, I say yes. I may have a bag of Cheetos. Awesome. I love you daddy. I know.

Much like the Beatles when wearing Sgt. Pepper uniforms, these beetles are all bright and colorful. And just like two of the four Beatles, these beetles are stuck in their own little coffins for eternity. If I was a Beatle, it would be Paul. Because the Walrus was Paul. Later peeps. There’s a bag of Cheetos with my name on them. Probably because I take a sharpie to the supermarket and autograph everything.
Read more “Real Insect Jewelry: Beetle Necklaces”

Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses
Whoa! Who’s that cat-eyed vixen walking down the street so sexy and sure of herself? It could be you! That’s who! Imagine yourself all cattin’ around and battin’ around with these Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses. Looking like the cat who ate the canary- Wait. Is that really yellow feathers on the side of your mouth? Dissss-gusting girl!

What exactly are you hiding behind those sunglasses? Oh I see. The bright red eyes of a bird-eating vampire. Well, I guess you have to get blood where you can find it. Come to think of it, you’re talking to a whole bag full of blood right now. *gulp* *Loosens collar nervously. Come to think of it- Tightens it again* Yeah, it was nice meeting you. Heh. I’ll just- I have stuff to do. For people who know where I am and are expecting me. Heh. Good luck on your feeding. *Zips away like a cartoon*
Read more “Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses”

T-Rex Toilet Paper Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

T-Rex Toilet Paper Holder
When I’m taking a Jurassic dump, I like to reach into the jaws of a mighty T-Rex to get my toilet paper. This awesome 3D printed T-Rex Toilet Paper Holder will make you roar! Of course that could just be the mighty roar of you battling your Stega-Sore-ass to get your stuff out. Seriously, fiber! I can’t stress that enough. Anywho, this TP holder will hook you up even if it’s coming out like a raging diarhea volcano. Which coincidentally is what killed the dinosaurs in the first place. True story. Mass (colon) extinction event! Look it up.
Read more “T-Rex Toilet Paper Holder”

Wood Ouija Board Planchette Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Wood Ouija Board Planchette Necklace
Well looky here. You are gonna be a regular Cate Planchette when you wear this Wood Ouija Board Planchette Necklace. Now all you have to do is tattoo a Ouija board to your chest, I’ll ask the spirit world some questions, put my fingers on the planchette and get some answers from the other side. What do you say? I’m thinking this is the only way I get to stare at and rub a chest for an extended period of time. All in an effort to contact loved ones on the other side of course. That’s all. No other motives. Hey, don’t judge me. You already had that thing around your neck.