Tag: art

Relic From The Future: GI Joe Action Figure Fossil

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

gi joe artifactEverything that you buy and play with today is just going to be dug up in the far future as an ancient artifact, by big-eyed humans with pasty skin. They also have evolved to be a telepathic collective society, but they live in caves because the radiation makes them break out in spores. Yeah, spores. Not hives. Actual mushrooms grow out of their skin. It’s gross. But the telepathy is cool.

Groel, you will never guess what I found.

Uh. I pretty much know already ya dweeb. Our race is connected. Another petrified turd with a tiny man inside I see. Wait. I’m sensing something else. What are you hiding? Open your mind!

Whatevs. That’s right. I farted. Mental high five. Now everybody knows! Turning network olfactory settings ON.

Holy Hell!*ack-cough* We’re dying here.

Oh My Glob!: Nightmare Adventure Time Prints

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nightmare adventure timeEtsy seller akatayanagi is offering four nightmarish Adventure Time prints for $23. Just don’t blame me when you get nightmares about Finn and Jake coming to eat you alive.

You get Princess Bubblegum looking how she probably really looks inside, Evil Finn and Jake, Marceline and a Gingerbread dude. No LSP? I demand an evil Lumpy Space Princess.

Click through for the rest.
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Needle Felted Kitchen Hat

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kitchen hatThis $420.Needle Felted Kitchen Hat has everything but the kitchen sink. It also lacks food, a stove, a microwave, and chairs for the kitchen table. It’s pretty bare. No wonder that dog looks so depressed. He’s waiting for a snack that never comes. Maybe they just moved in.

It does have curtains. I don’t know if the curtains match the drapes, but I know that the dog matches the floor. I often wear the kitchen on my head too, but that’s only because the wife likes to dump food on my head after I criticize her cooking. So what if I like my food shaped like dinosaurs. That DOES NOT make me a baby. The way I cry and suck my thumb afterwards does!
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Looks Like Puffer Fish People: Weird Spiky Triple Head Art

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spiky head artTwo heads are better than one, so that means that three spiky heads must be way better then two. They look like that dude from Hellraiser, only twice as nasty. Make that three times. It can be yours for $800. *art snob voice* My, what an interesting piece. I must get closer and inspect the colors and texture. It speaks of abstract longing and- My Eye! My goddamn eye! I’ll never work as an art critic again and be forced to actually earn my money! I won’t go back to accounting! I won’t!”

It will prick you at every opportunity and feast, every time you pass by, as it slowly grows a fourth head. A head that looks just like yours.

Click through for more images and a bonus video where you can see a hot chick holding it up Price Is Right style.
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Aliens Making Crop Circles

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crop circleThis print shows aliens making a crop circle. Just like humans, you got three guys working hard and busting their hump, while some supervisor jagoff shouts orders and tells them they aren’t doing it fast enough. “Hurry it up. You want to get demoted to anal probing again? I’m looking at you Ramirez. We don’t break until this whole field looks like a level of Pac-Man!”

Look at that one guy sitting around. There’s always one of them…and it’s usually me. I’m blogging while on a construction crew right now. Some dude just asked me to lower him down a wrench, but I’m having enough trouble holding a laptop while balancing on a steel beam, so I just kicked him down a hammer that was lying here. Totally meant to do that. Whatever a wrench can do, a hammer can do better. Just ask Thor! If wrenches were so great, he would carry one! Anyway, that was like 5 minutes ago and-

Well there’s the lunch siren/ambulance. Quittin’ time.