Tag: awesome

SpyMo Toys Are My Kind Of Crazy

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spymo toys
Check out these awesome custom toys from Spymo Toys. It’s about damn time Bruce from the Jaws movie had his own action figure. I hope you can open him up and find tires and stuff in his belly. Check out some other cool stuff below. Like Rosemary’s baby, V.A.L.I.S. from the Phillip K. Dick novel, Pazuzu from The Exorcist and my personal favorite the DMT Warrior.

I never collected any DMT Warriors, but I’ve visited their dimension and let me tell you, that figure is no exaggeration. Pretty cool stuff. I’m buying them all and taking them out of the package and forcing them to play with my Star Wars: Phantom Menace toys. Since nobody else will play with them. Ugh!

Okay, sometimes I make the others torture Jar Jar, but that’s it. Okay, I also occasionally make Padme and that fat Gungun make out, but really, that’s it.
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Dragon Door Knocker

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dragon door knocker
This Dragon Door Knocker is going to look awesome on my front door. Especially after I took out that second mortgage to give the place that whole Game of Thrones makeover. So what if it looks more like a beat up Jenga pile. I’m no contractor. Knock knock knock! Who is it? It’s dragon. Dragon who? Dragon my butt, cuz I’m so tired from blogging all day.

You can’t come in, the king’s not here.

I am the king!

Prove it! Prove your worth by removing a giant stone block from the castle of Jenga and I’ll let you in.

We went through this last week and it’s not funny. I lost the entire bedroom that day. And you’re just some dude named Merlin who I’m renting a room to and who farts way to much, then tries to cover it up with magic. Fine whatever, but I’m taking a piece from your side of the castle this time.
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I’m Speeding Because I Have To Poop Key Ring

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speeding because i have to poop keychain
What seems to be the problem here officer?

You were doing 70 mph in a 10 mph school zone.

*Presents I’m Speeding Because I Have To Poop Key Ring*

You a funny guy?

Sometimes, but right now I’m prairie doggin’ it like crazy.

Can I see your license and registration- What in the name of god is that smell? Is there a dead corpse in the trunk?

*Reaches in back pocket for my now butt-mud covered wallet. Offers it to the officer with butt-mud covered fingers*

*Cop gags and retches. Covers his mouth with a cloth.* I’ve seen a lot in my career, but you sir are a disgusting human being! Get the hell out of here and get yourself checked for something dead inside you!

*On the road again. Looks at key chain* Well, that didn’t help!

Wig Head Vase

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wig head vase
Wig out with the Wig Head Vase. It will let you make funny hairdos out of your flowers and plants. It’s basically like an upscale Chia Pet. Sure, you could use these head vases to decorate your house, but I would use ’em different, cuz I’m a rebel like that.

I would arrange all my plants on the mannequin head there and then glue them all to the head. Wait two hours. Then peel them all off and wear it my own damn self. Cuz these hairdos look good.

Steel Dinosaur Skull T-Rex Metal Desk Organizers

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T-Rex dinosaur desk organizer
I’m working on a script called Jurassic Parks and Rec. It’s about a bunch of dinosaurs working for local government, trying to figure out the best way to deal with extinction level events. That really has nothing to do with these awesome Steel Dinosaur Skull T-Rex Metal Desk Organizers. Just figured I’d toot my own horn a little. *Wiggles thumb and pinky* Call me Hollywood.

These T-Rex skull organizers are sweet! They make your desk look like a rugged manly man works there. And I say that knowing full well that it takes a lot to counter that limited edition Rainbow Dash figure I have on my desk now. With the Rainbow Brite post-it notes.