It’s an Articulated Rattlesnake. Does that mean it’s well spoken? I kid. I kid. More like rattle bones, am I right? This guy is gonna look good on my shelf and scare everyone who visits my home. And by everyone, I mean mother. And yes, I refer to her as mother in the weird creepy Norman Bates way.It’s okay. Mother can’t hear us. She’s in the other room in her rocking car, collecting cobwebs.
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Tag: bizarre
Octopus Toilet Paper Holder
The Octopus Toilet Paper Holder is like having extra tentacles for your TP. The only problem is that this guy won’t ever stop staring at you while you are taking an octo-dump. That’s an 8 minute dump for those who don’t know. Could also be used for a massive dump of 8 curvy logs that look like floating tentacles. Not that I would know. I don’t look at my poop after it leaves me. I’m not one for long and drawn out goodbyes.
Twisted Trivia – The Serial Killer Trivia Board Game
The Serial Killer Trivia Board Game sounds like a real fun time and all, but all I know about these wack-jobs is to stay the hell away from them. Have you heard about the Board Game Killer? He gets people to play this game with him and if they don’t know jack about serial killers, they ain’t leaving alive. He’ll carve your bones into dice man. So I’m out. Imma stick to Yahtzee and Monopoly.
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Cheetos Demon Horror Doll
Holy cheesy Cheetos Batman! This Cheetos Demon Horror Doll eats to live and lives to eat. I guess you really are what you eat. Check out his little Cheeto pocket on his chest. I think I have that same outfit. *Looks down* I’m wearing it now! *Reaches for Cheetos. Om nom nom nom!* It makes sense that a Cheeto demon baby would prefer the Flamin’ Hot flavor! Me too!
*Keeps eating Cheeetos* Oh shizz! My skin is turning orange too. I’m a Cheeto demon nightmare! Wait. Nevermind. My skins been that way for years. It’s coated with the dust of a million snacks. Just like this guy. Hello brotha from anotha cheesy snack motha!
Framed Human Prosthetic Eyes
Serial Killer art is so…what’s the word I’m looking for? “It puts the lotion on!” These Framed Human Prosthetic Eyes will follow you around the room. Maybe even undress you with their eyes. Then gawk some more. Ewwwww! There are four pairs of eyes, all sizing you up. I don’t know what’s more disturbing the fact that this is a set of four eyes in a frame, or the fact that they all share the same skin. They should really all be looking at each other and forming an escape plan. Not that eyes can escape. If they could, my eyes would have bugged out when I first saw this thing.