Check out this Mechanical Flying Saucer UFO Ring that really spins like a UFO. I have no idea how accurate it is. Never seen a UFO in the sky. But I have seen UFO’s at the local Walmart.
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Tag: cool
Levi’s Of Doom And Gloom
Damn girl. You got a fine ba-doom-kadonk. Looking all rave yard in your graveyard. I’m just sayin’ I’d like to hold a rave in that grave. Wait this isn’t a guy right? Man, I hope not. That can NEVER happen again. Now shhhh!
These Levi’s Of Doom And Gloom ain’t got no room cuz they full of booty and pulling double duty. Keeping things tight with fright. They’ll fit you just right in your skull hole. Skinny or tight, how they fit don’t matter. After you buy ’em you know you gettin’ fatter.
And THAT is how you write an ad to sell your cool ass end of the world jeans. Because I noticed you didn’t. You’re welcome.
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Black Cat Felted Scarf
This Black Cat Felted Scarf looks like someone pumped Mr. Whiskers up cartoon style with a bicycle pump and popped him with a pin, then shrugged and just draped it around their neck.
Don’t get me wrong, it looks awesome and kind of evil, but also very deflated and traumatized. It looks like it even has whiskers.
Winter is coming. Don’t be caught out in the cold without Mr. Pussums around your neck. That’s what my mom used to say anyway. Which is why I have so many cat scratches around my neck and why my hat rack has a cat house on top.
Cheeseburger Backpack
Cheeseburger backpack! It’s got lettuce and cheese sticking out of the bun. Probably has special sauce too. I’m gonna be so cool walking into the fast food place with this on my back. They’d ask what I want. I would just point to my backpack. Give me one of them. A cheeseburger. And hurry it up son. Acne face behind the counter will know what I mean. That guy’s gonna think I’m so awesome.
Until the guy behind me is all like, “Hey, nice backpack, dude! Is that another one in the front, under your shirt?”
Yeah. I can never be cool. *sighs* And no, that’s just my gut, the bastard child of a thousand cheeseburgers.
Poison Apple Soap
Check out this Poison Apple Soap. No wonder Snow White took a bite out of this thing. Looks friggin’ delicious with the frosting in the shape of a skull. How could you not eat it? Snow White was trippin balls anyway. 7 dwarves, magic mirrors, evil queens… They called her Snow White because of her coke habit. The 7 dwarves were actually variations of LSD. Crazy stuff. But true. I read it online so it has to be true.
Anyway, don’t eat this poison apple. It’s soap. It would taste like soap. It’s for washing your hands and looking cool in your home. What’s wrong with you? It would really harm you or at least make you fall asleep until some prince kissed you. Or something.
Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? It’s me, isn’t it? Is this finally my chance? Please let it be me. I want so bad to be a pretty pretty Princess! Eh, that’s never going to happen! I need to give up on that dream. By the way, you can also check out this Black Heart Soap. It takes a very black heart to poison someone with an apple after all.