Tag: craft

Predator Crochet Mask

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

predator crochet mask
Quick. Get to da chopper! No you idiot, not the motorcycle with da long front wheel, de heli-chopper! *Predator stabs me through the back and rips out my spine.* Thanks for clarifying Arnold. Next time be more specific. I mean chopper could also mean blender for Christ’s sake. You want me to run toward a blender? Thanks for ending my life with your less than clear advice! *Dies*

This Predator Crochet Mask is scary and crafty as hell. Experience the softer side of Predator. And if you are in the jungle and running from Predator, be very clear about what you are shouting. Lookin’ at you Arnold.
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Sloth in a Matchbox

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etsy sloth in a matchbox
Hey a Sloth in a Matchbox. He looks super comfy in there too. Makes me think of my dear departed grandmother. She used to always say, “Get up you lazy idiot. You’re like a sloth in a matchbox!” Yeah, too bad I’m not a sloth in a matchbox wearing headphones you old- Then the frying pan would hit me in the head.

That’s horrible. You said departed. When did your grandmother die?

Die? Look at this knot on my skull. Does that look like she left this Earth? She got this sloth out of the matchbox and departed for the grocery store. That crazy old bat. Is it odd that I like to sleep on matchstick shavings? Now if you’ll excuse me this sloth is going back to bed. Extinguish all lit cigarettes please.

Ghostbusters Gourd Sculptures

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ghostbusters gourd art
If you don’t like these Ghostbuster’s Gourd Sculptures from Etsy seller Wigoutgraphics, you must be out of your gourd! I’ve been slimed. (Funny Behind the scenes fact: I accidentally wrote, “I’ve been slimmed”, but nope, still have my gut and the doughy body of a nerd God)

The Slimer gourd shows Slimer on the front and in back you can see his brain and ghostly arteries and stuff. If he had such things. The Ungrateful Yuppie Larvae(Not actually me, despite my dad referring to me as such. That’s what the piece is called.) are doing their larvae thing like it’s a womb. Get a womb you two!

If there’s something strange in the neighborhood. Who ya gonna call. Gourd Busters!
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Felt Dissected Easter Bunny: No Bunny Knows Easter Like The Coroner Bunny

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dissected easter bunny
The Easter Bunny has seen better days that’s for sure. This Felt Dissected Easter Bunny shows the furry deliverer of chocolates and sweets after he has been opened up by some coroner. Apparently he died of high cholesterol judging by those undigested eggs(And Easter grass) in his stomach.

Poor guy. By poor guy, I mean me. He died before he could deliver my Cadbury eggs and Peeps this year. Now what the hell am I gonna do? Somebody elect a new Easter bunny STAT! Is it an elected office? We have to save Easter!

*Buys a bunny suit and hits the candy isle at the local Walmart. Damn! Fatties have cleared the shelves. Hits some grocery stores. Buys everything they have. Easter will be saved!*

Easter day… *Lays in the corner groaning amid empty candy wrappers and foil. Chocolate all over my bunny suit. Ears bent to hell. In a drugged out candy coma. A swarm of bunnies burst through the door and pile onto me, beating the crap out of me with bunny limbs.*

I’m sorry. I meant to save Easter, but it’s mine. It’s all mine!*crying* I’m sick, I need help! I’ll get better I swear. I’ll go to rehab. Just one more Peep first. No, don’t eat me! *tears*

Drunk Dressing: Beer Bottle Cap Dress

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bottlecap dress
Hey baby! You look great in that Bottle Cap Dress. You must have drank a ton of Bud Light and Coors and been tipsy on that sewing machine. So glad we met through that beercrafting dating service. You like my cowboy hat? Nah, we don’t stand out. Do you think we stand out?

I am totally getting some tonight. You know how I know? Psst! *Whispers* I brought a bottle opener.

This beer bottle cap dress is like a suit of drunken armor that you can wear to your next crazy party.