Tag: decor

Color Changing Mushroom Night Light

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

etsy color changing mushroom night light
This Color Changing Mushroom Night Light will make it seem like you are tripping balls, when in fact, you are tripping the light fantastic. I have no idea what that means. And that’s okay. Everything is okay as long as I float within the void. Watching monkey-faced mermaids swim past me. It’s all good. I’m floating closer to the happy trees now. There is a lake. Sooooo relaxing.

Wait. That lake is a giant mouth full of Cthulhu teeth, each one slapping it’s tentacles to whip the drooling saliva off the others. The giant tongue is lashing toward me-

*Wakes up breathing heavy.* Thank god I don’t do drugs. I wonder what makes me dream like that every night and makes me a nervous wreck. Oh well. Goodnight color change mushroom night light.
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Dragon Door Knocker

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dragon door knocker
This Dragon Door Knocker is going to look awesome on my front door. Especially after I took out that second mortgage to give the place that whole Game of Thrones makeover. So what if it looks more like a beat up Jenga pile. I’m no contractor. Knock knock knock! Who is it? It’s dragon. Dragon who? Dragon my butt, cuz I’m so tired from blogging all day.

You can’t come in, the king’s not here.

I am the king!

Prove it! Prove your worth by removing a giant stone block from the castle of Jenga and I’ll let you in.

We went through this last week and it’s not funny. I lost the entire bedroom that day. And you’re just some dude named Merlin who I’m renting a room to and who farts way to much, then tries to cover it up with magic. Fine whatever, but I’m taking a piece from your side of the castle this time.
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Your Daddy’s In Jail Stick Figure Family Decal

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dad in jail stick figure family
Use this Your Daddy’s In Jail Stick Figure Family Decal to tell everyone that daddy went away for awhile. Now you have to visit him behind glass. And mommy cries a lot. Obviously, before he left, daddy made a LOT of kids. Damn. 5 kids? Dude probably doesn’t wanna get out. 3 square meals, no nagging and no little wallet-thumpers to worry about? He’s probably getting into like 10 fights a week just to make sure he keeps that room and board secure.

I shouldn’t joke. This is just sad. Daddy’s in jail. This decal is a good sign that the woman driving is available and in need though.

Grow Your Own Hairy Beaver

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

grow your own hairy beaver
Grow Your Own Hairy Beaver like it’s the 70s. Well, maybe not THAT hairy. People were crazy back then. This cool pet for your desk will have everyone wanting to look at and pet your beaver. “That’s filthy!” says some woman in Montana as she thumps her bible. But I guarantee you one thing. She wants to touch it. It’s just gardening after all.

Just put your beaver into the watering bowl and cover it with grass seeds. Then watch as your beaver gets nice and bushy. Trim your beaver. Give it a mohawk, whatever you want.
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Wig Head Vase

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

wig head vase
Wig out with the Wig Head Vase. It will let you make funny hairdos out of your flowers and plants. It’s basically like an upscale Chia Pet. Sure, you could use these head vases to decorate your house, but I would use ’em different, cuz I’m a rebel like that.

I would arrange all my plants on the mannequin head there and then glue them all to the head. Wait two hours. Then peel them all off and wear it my own damn self. Cuz these hairdos look good.