Tag: dinosaur

Dinosaur Fossil Coasters

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Dinosaur Fossil Coasters
People often say to me, “Shut up you old fossil” or “Who dug up that old fossil?” By people, I mean kids. I usually just shake my fist and mutter. Like it’s my fault that male pattern baldness and lady hips magically appeared on my 18th birthday. I’m from the GMO generation. My endocrines disrupted like it was a party up in here and it’s ladies night! Oh what a night! 30 is the new “Holy f**k it’s coffin buying time.” I got the cheapest option with the brass handles BTW. Just in case you want to know.

Anyway, these dinosaur fossil coasters are friggin’ awesome. No bones about it. If I wasn’t already using fast food napkins, I’d be on these in a heartbeat. These is classy. Enjoy them before you’re 30.
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T-Rex Paper Mask

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T-Rex Paper Mask
Make your own T-Rex Paper Mask and look all scary. You’ll have to provide your own stubby little arms.

Speaking of stubby little arms, T-Rex dinosaurs are terrible boxers. No reach. The whole match is like one long violent hug that never quite connects. Which explains why Universal never bought my script “Jurassic Punch”. That was a pretty big plot-hole. You live, you learn.
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Dinosaur Ties

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Dinosaur Ties
These Dinosaur Ties are for the sharp dressed man that leaves the office early to go play with plastic dinosaurs. That’s actually how I lost my first job. Which was fine because it led to my second job as an office therapist sorting out stuff like sexual harassment accusations and the like. I got to play with my toys all day.

“Now show me on the dinosaur where the bad man touched you. There? Okay. Do the roar. We roar to heal. Now our dinosaurs fight.” That job didn’t last long either.
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Dinosaur Rings

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Dinosaur Rings
These dinosaur rings are ready to get on your fingers and fight to the death. ROooooooooaaaaarrrrrr! Do I make a convincing dinosaur? Aside from my prehensile tail I mean. Did they even have that? Who knows. This has been another fun game brought to you by my lack of education in the public school system.

Fun fact: I almost wrote pubic school system and giggled a little. Then I ate a PB & J sandwich and here we are. Where were we? Oh yeah. Dinosaur rings. It’s what we would all be deep frying instead of onions if they had never gone extinct. But they did, so we don’t. Dinosaurs I mean. Not onions. Onions are still here.

No need to cry about it.

I’m not. Just chopping onions.

Cool.

Dinosaur Bride & Groom Wedding Cake Toppers

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

dinosaur bride and groom cake topper
Do you take this T-Rex, in extinction and in health, till death do you part by fiery meteor shower that reigns death upon the Earth? You do? You may now kiss the bride.

These Dinosaur Bride & Groom Wedding Cake Toppers are perfect for couples who can’t hug each other due to small stubby arms. Or, you know, just people who like dinosaurs. Which reminds me, I have a Jurassic Park playset and action figures that I need to get back to. Laterz!
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