Hand Crafted Weirdness: Hellraiser Box

hellraiser box
What the? A Hellraiser box. Damn, you raised hell on yourself son! Hellraiser fail! You supposed to raise hell on other people. Now look at you, with your weird jewelry, feeding tube and pins stuck into your face. Congratulations on splitting your head open too. Even your butt is full of pins and stickin’ out the side!

You got problems homie!
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Weird Boy Scout Painting

Weird Boy Scout Painting
Troop 241 better put their heads between their legs and kiss their butts goodbye. They probably did exactly that. We only know what happened because of this Weird Boy Scout Painting, which was likely painted by some nerd trying to earn his artist merit badge while ghosts and f***ing UFOs attack in the woods. Even the trees are alive and pissed!

I would be pissed too if a group of mustached and O-Faced thirty years-olds dressed as boy scouts set up camp in my woods too. Losers! Why are you all warming your feet when it’s not even winter????
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Stainless Steel Jail Cell Toilet & Sink Removed From Police Station

prison toilet
Cool. Now I can have an authentic Jail cell toilet and sink. I hope they cleaned out all of the convict pee pee and poopy. This is the perfect toilet for me, because every time I poop, it feels like my colon is serving 30 to life. It’s made of stainless steel, but you and I both know that once you get home from Taco Bell, there’s gonna be a stain of epic proportions. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time! Ha ha ha.

And as far as wee wee goes, you have to drain your dragon in a toilet made for the penal system. Get it? Penal system? Well, I’m off to trade some smokes for my continued virginity.
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Fist Of Jesus Action Figure

fist of jesus action figure
Holy Jeebus! This Fist Of Jesus Action Figure rocks. Jesus is back and this time it’s personal! He comes complete with his fishbone sword weapon and blood splattered robe. The chosen one is here to lay down the smack. He came to turn water into wine and to kick ass. And he’s all out of water! Those who cross the son of god will soon find out he is a son of a- Shut your mouth! Just talkin’ bout Jesus!

Soon to be a major motion picture! No doubt.
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Scary Plastic Surgery Costume Mask

plastic surgery mask
This fun mask simulates the bizarre world of plastic surgery. Either that or a football coach was planning the teams next play all over this woman’s face. It could go either way, I’m not sure.

Hey, I don’t judge. You want to put cement in your dump truck to accentuate your curves, fine by me. Your the one who has to sit on that wide load all day. You wanna change your face, fine whatever. But I draw the line at animal plastic surgery. Like that time I dropped bootsy off at the vet and came back the next day. The cat had Kim Kardashian’s face. Basically a pair of lips inside a lion’s mane.

WTF doc? Do you confuse the word checkup for f**k up often?

You said give her plastic surgery.

Wait, what? Ohhh! No, I said that’s classic “perjury”! I was watching friggin’ People’s Court on my phone! WTF! Why is her ass so huge?

Well, you do a job, you do it right. I-

For f**ks sake!