Tag: etsy

Dia De Los Muertos Sugar Skull Bride And Groom

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Dia De Los Muertos Sugar Skull Bride And Groom
Oh yeah? Dia De Los Muertos to you too buddy! This Dia De Los Muertos Sugar Skull Bride And Groom are all ready to walk down the aisle and get married. Cuz Marriage is the real Day of the Dead. Am I right guys? Is my wife here? Thank God. These no longer single skulls have rhinestones, paper flowers and a hand made top hat.

You may now kiss the bride. *Shoves their skulls together and watches in horror as they break and turn to dust* Uh,sorry about that folks. I guess it was not meant to be. That’s how you know it’s unholy matrimony.

Spiderweb Lace Bra

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Spiderweb Lace Bra
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive! Cuz you told me you were a C cup! It’s cool. We’re good. It’s all webbing under the boob bridge now. Anyway, this Spiderweb Lace Bra is scary and sexy. I never understood why women need so many bras. I mean, do you really need a bra for doing push ups? What I don’t know about bras could fill a book. That’s cuz I still haven’t cracked Victoria’s secret. Know what I mean bra?

Undead Zombie Hands Ring

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Undead Zombie Hands Ring
Any zombies in the house? Raise your hands! You in the back. Your hand just fell off. Some skin on your cheek too. Show of zombie hands, who wants this awesome Undead Zombie Hands Ring? Umm, look it’s hard to count you guys when your limbs keep falling off. And some of you are raising some hands that have already fallen off of other people. Some of you are raising feet. Whatever. I lost count. It’s really not worth it. Just wanted to show you all this cool ring, but half of you don’t have a ring finger. Guy in back who just raised a weiner in the air, I know the difference between a finger and a dinger! You guys are gross. I’m out.

Porcupine Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Porcupine Lamp
The Porcupine Lamp always stays on, cuz I reached up into the shade once to turn it off and I needed like 400 stitches. My electric bill is like 2 grand a month, but it’s much safer this way. If you do cut yourself, at least that curved horn under the shade will channel your blood all in one place for easy clean up though. There’s that. That’s a selling point right there. Oh poopy. The bulb just blew. Time to get my chain mail long sleeved shirt and gloves. Screw it. I’m just gonna get the paper towels and band-aids right now.

Voodoo Top Hat And Staff

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

voodoo-top-hat-and-staff
This Voodoo Top Hat And Staff is sweet. Makes me want to twirl that hat and bounce it on my head as I shake the staff and kick into a musical number. That’s the kind of voodoo I’d do, but who do voodoo when you can just watch Hulu? With a fellow named Sulu? Or Cthulu? I have no idea, but that’s actually a good question. I’ll think on it while I’m wearing my cool Voodoo pimp-daddy hat. Smoking my fine cigar and stroking my python. I know that sounds wrong, but stroking your python is so fun you don’t wanna stop. With this hat you can get away with it. Stroke it all day if ya want. No one’s gonna tell you to stop.