This Nightmare Before Christmas Zero Life Size Glow in the Dark Sculpture looks like that dog from that movie, from that guy with the weird hair and weird wife, that he just divorced cuz his heart belongs to Johnny Depp.
What up Zero? Why so negative? It’s like you are null and void. Empty. Nothing to say? Well, thanks for nothing.
Get it? Because zero.
Whatevs. It’s almost 9 AM. Oh Danny boy….The booze, the booze is calling…
Wear this fruit bat necklace and let the cute little guy have a go at your own low hanging fruit. Hey, nothing wrong with low hanging fruit. It’s the easiest to pluck. You should see my man-mammaries. My fruit hangs so low to my gut, I got a fruit basket. It’s the gift I give myself.
Yes yes. I’m sure you are all firm and tight. *rolls eyes* Anyway, let this fruit bat sleep above your breasts. No, not me. Though I wouldn’t mind. I would be a good little fruit bat, I promise. I’m talking ’bout fruit bat!
Read more “Fruit Bat Necklace”
Make your own T-Rex Paper Mask and look all scary. You’ll have to provide your own stubby little arms.
Speaking of stubby little arms, T-Rex dinosaurs are terrible boxers. No reach. The whole match is like one long violent hug that never quite connects. Which explains why Universal never bought my script “Jurassic Punch”. That was a pretty big plot-hole. You live, you learn.
Read more “T-Rex Paper Mask”
Huge Stuffed Crab! Huge Stuffed Crab! What’s it stuffed with? I don’t know. Probably your hopes and dreams and kitten wishes, all riding on the fragrant wind of unicorn farts. This stuffed crab is huge! XXL at least.
I haven’t seen crabs this big since the STD clinic near Fukushima got hit with gamma radiation. Don’t make these crabs angry. You wouldn’t like them when they’re angry. They get all crabby. Which is pretty much expected from a crab actually. They are grabby and crabby. They’ll pinch you and make you all scabby.
Read more “Huge Stuffed Crab”
If you like your makeup bag clawed and slashed, check out this one. It’s already been pre-slashed by a beast and it wasn’t me. I only leave claw marks on locked cupboards and the crack of my jeans. Some ointment fixed the latter, but I’m still trying to get to the Doritos that the wife locked up.
Anyway, this bag makes it look like you survived an attack from a monster and it even looks like it might be bleeding. Better put some peroxide on that and a band-aid. I hope it doesn’t need any…*Coy smile* cosmetic surgery.
See, because it’s a cosmetics bag. Oh whatever!
Read more “Makeup Cosmetic Zipper Bag With Claw Marks”