Give someone special your heart, without all the blood and a gaping chest wound. This Heart Lock and Key Ornament should do the trick. You get both the heart and a key. But it doesn’t open. Just like my cold heart. Huh? Sure, I’ve been hurt, but that’s not why my heart is closed off. Bacon. That’s why.
But that’s okay, because it is my one true love.
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Sleep in the loving gentle embrace of Cthulhu with these tentacle body pillows from Etsy seller Teacupity. There are several variations available. Different colors, different suckers… Just be careful that they don’t pull you down into some dark alternate plain of existence.
Interesting fact: Every woman I’ve ever shared a bed with calls me Cthulhu, cuz I’m all grabby like an ancient terror with eight arms. And by every woman, I mean one woman. And when I say shared a bed, I mean for like 2 seconds at a mattress store. The good news is that they now have my picture on the wall. The bad news is, I’m still sleeping on two cat beds pushed together.
Click through for more images.
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Great. Halloween will be here soon. Or as I like to call it, “The one night I get to walk down the street and sh*t myself repeatedly because everything and everyone in the neighborhood are all scary and out to get me.” I’m not afraid though. This year I’m wearing my big-boy pants. A 40 waist if you must know. But I’m gonna work out on Halloween. Just long enough to get some candy.
Gonna be brave and not yell for my mommy this year when a mummy hands me candy and brushes my hand. I mean, I’m still gonna shriek and run to her(She waits on the sidewalk), but I’m not gonna freak out and have her call me a “fat pasty man-baby” again as she curses my father.
Anyway, check out this awesome $900 Venus Fly Trap Halloween prop. Gonna put this outside so it will be the flies that sh*t themselves.
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Incredible Melting Mandles. Man + Candles = Mandles. These candles are like little zombies that you can watch melt to the ground in three hours. Light him up, watch his last hours on this Earth. Only $15. from Etsy seller Stexe.
Click through for more pictures and an awesome rock solid video demo of these mandles. You’ll want to get yourself a little trash bin to go with these guys.
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This Batman: The Dark Knight Journal looks like it was made by the Joker himself. It’s so nice that Arkham Asylum provides its guests with arts and crafts projects. You can write all of your deepest darkest desires in this fun journal as well as contemplate any of life’s burning questions. Like, “Why so serious?”
And if you are crazy enough, you might open it up later to find that someone else has answered your question. In your handwriting.
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