Tag: gold

The Phantom of the Opera Playing Cards

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The Phantom of the Opera Playing Cards
Make your next card game a scary one with The Phantom of the Opera Playing Cards. You don’t have to host your card game backstage at an opera, but it helps. These are a limited edition so get them while you can. Only 666 decks were produced. Somehow I don’t think they arrived at that number randomly. Each deck has a unique serial number and certificate. The edges of cards are gold foiled. Nice. They are all classy and stuff.

The fearsome phantom drinks fanta from a fountain and it fizzles. Just wanted to say that. No reason. I’m such a card. Problem is the rest of the deck is missing.
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Golden Poop Emoji Bottle Opener

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Golden Poop Emoji Bottle Opener
This Golden Poop Emoji Bottle Opener is the shiny golden turd that will open all of your bottles. He looks happy about it too. The poop emoji is the best. He beats all other emojis cuz poop. Poop trumps everything. You know who wins in a game of rock, paper, scissors? Poop. Poop wins every time. I dare you to find a cuter gold poop that can pop your caps off.

Gold Skull Bookends

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Gold Skull Bookends
These Gold Skull Bookends look pretty awesome cuz they’re shiny. Also cuz I just want to put some crazy eyes in those sockets. And I know you have a better book collection than these two books shown here. They look like cool ancient idols. *Stands before them. Wiggles my hands, loosening them up. Gently lifts one skull so my books don’t fall down. I smile and go to put the idol in my satchel. A mechanism clicks somewhere. Rumbling starts. Giant boulder comes down from the ceiling and chases me. I barely make it as I jump through my front door.*

You see why these are awesome? Again! Again!

Gold Ouija Board Leggings

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Gold Ouija Board Leggings
I wanna slide my planchette all over these Gold Ouija Board Leggings and that’s not just me talkin’ dirty. So go ahead and Ouija yourself! I just wee-jad a little myself. Weak bladder. Really, it’s like a dripping faucet bought from the thrift store at this point. When I was young, that shizz was like I bought it at Home Depot. TMI.

Baby I would love to give you a sweet leg massage while communicating with the other side, so seriously, roll over, let me see what I’m working with here. What? No you look awesome honey. I don’t see any Ouija-toe or nothing.

Miniature Gold Toilet With Opening Lid Necklace

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Miniature Gold Toilet With Opening Lid Necklace
This is the kind of bling I’m looking for. A Miniature Gold Toilet With Opening Lid Necklace. I bet it even has a little diamond poop inside too. I always wanted a gold toilet, so I could show it to all the peeps on MTV cribs when they come to check out my sweet Hollywood mansion. Obviously that never happened, but at least I can wear this cool gold commode and pretend.

Toilet bling. That’s what I’m talking about. Now do I put the picture of a loved one inside the lid or someone I hate?