Feeling Batty? Me too. Check out this cool Copper Bat Pendant Necklace. It’s friggin’ awesome. Bat-tastic. Bat-mazing. I just want to stare at it all day, but then I would be accused of staring at your breasts. And you’d tell me, “Hey, my bats are up here.” So then I’d look up at the bats in your hair and realize you were Horror host Elvira. Then I’d look down at your breasts for real and get slapped. But I would regret nothing.
Tag: halloween
Grand Necronomicon Journal
Behold the Grand Necronomicon Journal. Dude likes pretty grim. I guess that’s why its a grimoire. He’s a grimy grimmy grimster. He also needs to brush his teeth. Maybe get some sunglasses. Maybe a facelift. That should help home score with the ladies. I’m gonna use this as a diary.
Dear di(e)ary, please stop looking at me like you are hungry. I am not a piece of meat. You scare me. P.S. Sorry I keep fingering your teeth with my fingers.
Christmas Nightmare Ornament Set
Creep up your tree with this Christmas Nightmare Ornament Set and give your kids a scare when they open their presents on Christmas morning. Mommy, Santa is scaring me. I don’t like Christmas anymore. Whaaaaaaaaa. Make them stop mommy! Make them stop. You get Santa, Snowbeast, Krampus and and The GingerDead Man.
No Thank You – Large Plush Spiders
Zootoys has a few of these soft nightmares to choose from. Large Plush Spiders require large plush flyswatters or bigger boots. What has 8 eyes, is completely harmless and scares the bejesus out of me, so that I have to shred it with a knife until it’s stuffing flies everywhere? These things. I don’t care if they are real or plush, spiders is spiders and nature’s scurrying nightmare!
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Spider Web Tie For Black Widowers
Guys, you have to find a spider-mate. I mean soulmate. There’s got to be a black widow out there that needs a widower. Weave yourself a nice web with this Spider Web Tie and you might just attract a mate. I mean, yeah, she’ll probably still bite your head off after sex some day and leave your corpse on the bed as she packs her stuff and moves onto the next victim…. Maybe just go for a Brown recluse instead. Oh wait, those are bad too. Maybe it’s okay to just be single.