Tag: halloween

Cool Miniature Tombstones

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cool Miniature Tombstones
These miniature tombstones are apparently for really tiny people. RIPman. RIP. If I had a tiny hat I would tip it and hold it to my heart. But I don’t. So instead, I’m pouring out some liquor for my tiny homies. Oh s**t, here comes the wife!

Were you just pouring liquor all over my tiny tombstones that are in the dirt for my potted plant?

Just honoring the homies. Don’t be a hater! Besides liquor makes plants grow quicker. Everybody knows that. Except for that shriveled up plant in the corner. That one couldn’t hold it’s liquor. What a pansie! Get it? Oh s**t, put down that vase!
Read more “Cool Miniature Tombstones”

Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks
I must be a bird cuz these Scarecrow Masks from darkmasks scare the bejeebus out of me. You know what happens when a bird sees these faces looking at ’em? They just explode in a mess of feathers and guts. That’s how scary these masks are.

This reminds me of that time I did a stand up routine for a room full of scarecrows. You can guess how that went. Yeah, I left them in stitches. I’d offer these scarecrows something to eat, but they’re already stuffed. Yeah, that’s just a little scarecrow humor. That’s the last straw I promise.
Read more “Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks”

Call Me Ouija Planchette Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Call Me Ouija Planchette Necklace
Hey girls. This fun Call Me Ouija Planchette Necklace is a great accessory. You put out the sign and I answered the call baby. Wait. I mean I called, cuz you told me too, and you answered the phone. That’s what I meant. You channeled my spirit and now you get to hear it. I promise I’ll talk soft and low as if from another plain of existence. You can ask me anything and I’ll make your planchette quiver in excitement as it hovers over YES YES YES. Just what I do. You’re welcome.

Scented Skull Candles

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scented Skull Candles
Want some smells emanating from your skull? I’m not talking about your shampoo. I’m talking about these cool Scented Skull Candles. Normally skulls have one smell. Death. Especially when you happen upon one on a hot day in a pit, but I’ve said too much. I don’t know what these skulls are supposed to smell like. Scratch and sniff pizza? Teen spirit? Victory? Broccoli farts? I have no idea. But their pretty. Much more nicely colored than my own skull. I think I’ll get one and discover their macabre mystery scent.

Sniffing scented skulls scares sore sinuses so severely, Suzie sneezes snot! Heh. I made a little poem like I was 4 years old. Which is pretty impressive cuz I’m more like 5.
Read more “Scented Skull Candles”

Harry Potter Skele-Gro Bottles

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Harry Potter Skele-Gro Bottles
I don’t know much about Harry Potter, but these Harry Potter Skele-Gro Bottles are neat. Something about mean adoptive parents, an owl that delivers his mail, Dobby the house elf, flying car, broomstick sports, something something Voldemort.

Will it make my skele grow? I have no idea, but I’d be willing to give it a shot, until my skeleton pops out of my insides and becomes my outsides. I’ll probably drink it and find out it doesn’t work and that I’ve been boned. That sounded bad. I mean scammed. Bamboozled, hoodwinked. Not boned. And certainly not against my will. I’m just ribbing ya. I’m sure everything will be spine.