Tag: halloween

Meditating Skeletons And Skull Mugs

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Meditating Skeletons And Skull Mugs
How often does a skeleton meditate? Oh, every now and zen. Haha, I crack me up. Check out these cool Meditating Skeletons And Other Skull Mugs from Etsy seller NicolePangasCeramics. That skeleton has attained enlightenment. Too bad he didn’t attain some meat on his bones. I don’t know anything about Buddhism or Hinduism, but I… Like big Buddhas and I can not lie…

Seriously, these mugs are pretty cool. They have all kinds of cool creepy looking drinkware. How do you get into a meditative state? Simple. Just relax your mind, empty your thoughts and cross the border. Whoa that’s deep. Deepak Chopra…
Read more “Meditating Skeletons And Skull Mugs”

Ghost-Bat Shoulder Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ghost-Bat Shoulder Bag
The legend of Ghost bat lives on! Ghost bat. Other bats fear him, because deep down inside, they want to be just like him. He’s a bat. He’s a ghost. He’s the ghost bat with the most. Screw that Casper guy. The Ghost-Bat Shoulder Bag is awesome. How they trapped the soul of a bat on a shoulder bag, I have no idea, but it is cool as f**k. eeekkkkkk. ekkkkkkkkkk. Wait, do they ekkk or shriek. Now I’m not sure. I know they like to poop in caves. Hey, it’s always preferable to poop indoors when given the choice. Otherwise you have to use this.

Ghostbusters Terror Dog

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ghostbusters Terror Dog
Who ya gonna call? Well, to be honest, I thought I might order a pizza, maybe call for some Chinese. Then call 911 for my food poisoning. So my phone is gonna be tied up. Who should I be calling? Ghostbusters? If I ever see a Terror Dog like this, I’ll text them. Same if I see that green booger Slimer!

I’VE BEEN SLIMMED!

What, like some ectoplasm dropped from the ceiling and you had instant weight loss?

WTF? SLIMMED MAN. SLIMMED.

Can you send us a pic. We don’t wanna come out if there’s no paranormal activity.

HANG ON. *Sends selfie!*

Hmmmm. No way you got slimmed. I’d say you weigh 350 easy.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I- OH. LIMED. I MEANT LIMED!

I didn’t see any citrus in that pic.

SLIMED! MY S WAS NOT WORKING! YOU COMING OR WHAT?

Nah! We’re good.
Read more “Ghostbusters Terror Dog”

Insanely Creepy Clown Tarot Card Deck

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Insanely Creepy Clown Tarot Card Deck
Clowns. I hate ’em. I’d hunt ’em if I could get a permit. I’ve tried. They are apparently never in season. This Creepy Clown Tarot Card Deck is like a visit from the most demented clown you have ever seen. Like he ties you up, pulls up a chair and gets his cards out, while he’s honking his horn and laughing all silly, drives around you real quick in a clown car, all his friends pile out and he gets out last, then they all sit around you in a circle and deal your tarot cards out.

Some of them are crying. You don’t know why. Perhaps internal torment from being natures painted demons. Some of them are blowing their nose and producing flowers from the handkerchief. You scream and no one seems to hear. The animal balloons are flying around like lofty latex clouds. Ronald McDonald looks on from the shadows way in the back. You might say they are an Insane Clown Posse.

*Shudders*

No thanks, I’ll get my readings from gypsies and grifters like I always have. As long as you don’t paint your face and squirt water on me with a flower, you can have all my money.
Read more “Insanely Creepy Clown Tarot Card Deck”

Have Not So Sweet Dreams: Freddy Krueger Pillow

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Have Not So Sweet Dreams Freddy Krueger Pillow
Sweet Dreams. Not! This Freddy Krueger Pillow features Freddy’s silhouette against the background of his striped shirt. He’s coming for you when you sleep. You know it and I know it. The only thing left to do is to rest your head against this pillow and close your eyes. Then prepare to do battle with the dark demon of dreams.

*Closes eyes. Finds myself in dream world. Psyches myself up for combat with the nightmare man. Sees Freddy sitting at a park bench with a checkers board.*

Holy hell. Not this again. Just kill me already! I don’t care if you need practice. You can’t keep tutoring me like this. Fine, one more game! Then find someone else to play with.