These small zombie candles look like Simpsons zombies. Sure, you’ll smell their brains burning, but at least you get to watch some heads bleed and melt. The seller says that their names are Homer, Eyegore, Homer with blood and Fergal.
You can get them with or without blood splatters. They are perfect for Halloween or as a stress reliever. Call me crazy, but there’s something soothing about watching heads melt. Maybe that’s just me.
This crazy Spider Lamp has a big old butt that lights up. At least this spider makes it’s presence known. It’s the ones you can’t see that you have to worry about. The ones in your corners, the ones gently repelling down from the ceiling, the ones under your blankets at night…
You’re welcome. If it makes you feel any better, I’m all itchy and paranoid now too, but that may just be the result of 3 Red Bulls and a bag of Kit-Kats. I do what I have to for you guys, working all kinds of hours. Is it normal to see dust orbs that turn into angels and then rummage through your underwear drawer, while losing all feeling in your left hand?
Sweeeeeet! So let me get this straight. You are going to sell me the Grim Reaper’s robe and with it, all of his powers over life and death? Just checking cuz I’ve been duped before. The last time someone promised me a Grim Reaper robe, it was actually an adolescent size Robin robe from Batman and Robin fame. There I was, fat man-gut hanging out, eye-mask and cape on, standing over some dude’s bed trying to persuade him that, “It is time!” and pointing down the hall.
It was time alright. For him to give me two black eyes and a wedgy, while holding me for the police. Yeah that’s real funny Sargeant handlebar mustache of the local PD. Yes, I reap what I sew. Oh, hilarious Blue Oyster Cult reference. Don’t fear the Reaper! You’re a barrel of laughs. You’ll be the first on my list when I buy this thing.
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I have stationary like this from when my wife had her “little vacation”. Kept saying I drove her crazy! That’s insane! And just not true! But I did drive her right up to the front doors of the asylum. They gave me some sweet swag like this Asylum For The Insane Notecard Set and a bunch of pharmaceutical key chains and crap, from the pill pushers who really make people crazy. Then I drove off and partied like it was 1999, even though it was 2008. That’s just how much the booze cost.
Don’t worry, I picked her up again after a few days when I couldn’t figure out how to heat up a TV dinner and after I ruined the toaster, trying to make a grilled cheese sandwich. She felt much better being with more “normal” people. Then we just continued our relationship where we left off. Throwing heavy items at each other and then tending each other’s wounds.
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This fun mask simulates the bizarre world of plastic surgery. Either that or a football coach was planning the teams next play all over this woman’s face. It could go either way, I’m not sure.
Hey, I don’t judge. You want to put cement in your dump truck to accentuate your curves, fine by me. Your the one who has to sit on that wide load all day. You wanna change your face, fine whatever. But I draw the line at animal plastic surgery. Like that time I dropped bootsy off at the vet and came back the next day. The cat had Kim Kardashian’s face. Basically a pair of lips inside a lion’s mane.
WTF doc? Do you confuse the word checkup for f**k up often?
You said give her plastic surgery.
Wait, what? Ohhh! No, I said that’s classic “perjury”! I was watching friggin’ People’s Court on my phone! WTF! Why is her ass so huge?
Well, you do a job, you do it right. I-
For f**ks sake!