These Wood Coffin Keychains are perfect for your car keys. If you drive a hearse. Also perfect for your house keys. If you live in a funeral home. Better “dead” bolt that door once you get inside though. Also perfect for those keys that you have that are no longer useful. In other words, keys that are dead to you. Ha. I could go on all day, but I’m late for therapy. Once I showed up and it was shock therapy. Cuz the therapist was so shocked I got there on time.
Tag: horror
American Horror Story: Hotel – Room 64 Door Plaque
Oh look, an American Horror Story: Hotel – Room 64 Door Plaque. What could possibly go wrong? Nothing bad ever happens in there, right? I’m just gonna hang this on my door. *Ding-Dong* A visitor already? Hello good sir? Of course you can stay here for a modest fee. I don’t make breakfast or the bed and the place is so dirty that even the roaches stay out. Enjoy your stay.
*Next day* Oh, I was sorry to hear that you were molested by our doll collection, which was possessed by demons at the time, but really controlled by the evil that is Lady Gaga, whose acting is almost as bad as her singing. Sorry you can’t have your money back. Here’s a coupon for next time that just expired.
Toast of the Zombie Goblet Set
Ohhhh toast of the Zombie! I’ll have mine with extra butter. Crisp, but not too crisp. Just a light smear of jelly on top just like my pap use to give me. In other words just a pap smear! Ewwww. I’m so wrong! I’m so gross! Get over it cupcake! This Toast of the Zombie Goblet Set lets the Zombie hands make a toast for you. Cuz everything is classier with Zombie hands. I said so!
Beware of Vampires and Zombies Pillows
Looks at my bed and notices the Beware of Vampires and Zombies Pillows. Looks under the bed, in the closet, out the window. Well hell, I don’t see either of those things,so I guess I’m safe. Gets in bed. Oh, it feels so warm and cozy. Vampire erupts from within my bed, followed by a Zombie. They stand there half out of my mattress and look at each other and then grab me so they can take me to their in-the-bed hell-world. WHY DID I NOT HEED THE WARNINGS?
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Winged Skeleton Double Candle Holder
What the-? This Winged Skeleton Double Candle Holder just flew down and set itself on my mantle guys. I’m serious. This isn’t like the time I drank 2 bottles of nyquil because I thought I had early onset arthritis. Dude is pretty badass. He’s all like, Pfft I’ll hold your candles and make this shizz look heavy metal! Dude is totally macabre. I bet he has a huge wingspan too. Not that that matters. It’s not how big your wings are, but how you use ’em.
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