These Squid Neckties are almost as good as wearing an actual squid around your neck. In fact they are better. Let’s count the ways.
1- They won’t choke you with their tentacles.
2- Your shirt will not be wet and smell like seaweed.
3- You won’t smell like Squid all day.
4- The ink on these ties won’t shoot in your eye.
5- You can’t hang a bunch of Squid in your closet.
6- You can’t iron and starch a Squid. You can, but the stink!
All great reasons to choose these over a real Squid tie.
Now I can have my own ghost hunter show thanks to this awesome Steampunk Paranormal Ghost Hunter Costume. Cuz you gotta look the part when you’re pulling on fishing line and making stuff fly across the room for profit.
I gotta work on perfecting my upper crust A-hole Victorian accent. It comes with a cemetery hat, an old timey coat, vest, scarf, gloves and shirt. Plus Neon Ecto Bait Tube that glows under blacklight, a vial of Authentic Tombstone Az, Boot Hill Dirt that acts as Ghost protection, an animated/ Vocal Spirit Containment Lantern, and a Neon Blue Finger Light that illuminates You.
SWEET! I ain’t ‘fraid o no ghost.
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This Viagra Neck Tie let’s the entire world know about your erectile dysfunction. Your pee-pee may not work properly, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dress smart. This tie lets other men know that you are not a threat to their woman. It lets women know that you are about as much of a threat to them as a wet noodle. Or do I have that backwards? I guess it tells people that you can shag for hours and that you are always up for some naughty fun time.
This tie is not for everyone. Side effects may include: Tie suddenly going upright and stiff in your face.
These Mad Max Style Leather Wallets are pretty cool for when you need to pay with cash in the wasteland. Wait, I thought bottlecaps was the agreed on currency of the apocalypse. I’ve been saving them for years. You people better not change it now, cuz I don’t care. Even if just the lights go out, I’m paying for my stuff with bottle caps. Bottle caps and all of the kidney stones that all those bottles of Mountain Dew gave me. I figure a kidney stone is worth about 50 cents on the market, so by my calculations I’m a apocalypse millionaire.
These wallets are full of bad ass skulls and sinful stitches. Nobody’s going to mess with you when they see this wallet. This is the wallet of a cold killer. A bad sumb itch. A warrior. A Gothic Goliath. A guy who has all of his cash and cards organized just so. That’s a real mans wallet right there. *Hides my My Little Pony themed wallet and acts tough.*
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I’m not one to brag, but check out my new underwear. Woo-Hoo. It’s got a ruler on it so I can do home improvement in my underwear. Gets sweaty and hot when you’re doing man stuff. Sometimes the cops come when you’re on the roof with a beer and a hammer.
You do know that’s not for measuring stuff when fixing the house right?
Huh? You’re just jealous of my cool new underwear.
It’s for measuring your wing-wang.
*Stops cold.* Really?
Why do you think the cops keep coming? It’s because you keep rubbing your junk against stuff to get measurements. Are you fixing the roof or dry humping it?
Fair enough. Also, I don’t think these are my size, cuz my wing-wang ain’t measuring up.