Tag: mummy

Mad Monsters Series 1 Action Figures – Why So Angry?

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Mad Monsters Series 1 Action Figures

You mad bro? Drop rip my face off k? Do you like monsters? Do you like retro toys? These Mad Monsters Series 1 Action Figures are what you want to play with. You get Human Wolfman, Dreadful Dracula, Monster Frankenstein and Horrible Mummy. Why is Mummy horrible? Cuz she never leaves me alone when I’m playing video games and always makes me clean the cat box and stuff. Whatevs. She’s not the boss of me. I do what I want! I’m getting really off track here. The point is, these figures are cool.
Read more “Mad Monsters Series 1 Action Figures – Why So Angry?”

Freaky Mummy Earrings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Freaky Mummy Earrings
Is it just me or do these mummy earrings look like plain old dead rats that somebody wrapped up in tea-stained toilet paper? I’ve had dead rats wrapped in TP attached to me before, but that was at a run down gas station. Never walk into a broken down old gas station bathroom covered in potato chip crumbs and peanut butter from your beard to your gut. Especially if it has a crazy-ass rats nest inside.

I hear mummy rats at in fashion this season. Everyone’s wearing ’em. Maybe even your own mummy. I feel like these guys need a sarcophagus gift box. Then they would be complete.
Read more “Freaky Mummy Earrings”

Mummy Leggings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Mummy Leggings
Should you buy these Mummy Leggings? I bet you’re torn. They shred the competition’s mummy leggings to pieces. Just because they are distressed, that doesn’t mean you have to be. It’s an easy choice. You either want to look like an ancient and sexy mummy or you don’t.

Worried about an ancient curse? I’m pretty sure they’re cursed, but in a good way. By you! Cursed like, you’re gonna put ’em on and be all like, “Holy f**k I look f***n’ fine!” Your daddy’s gonna be all like, “C’mere mummy. Give daddy some sugar.”

Universal Monsters Makeup Brush Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Universal Monsters Makeup Brush Holder
You know, some girls look like monsters before they put on their makeup. Not you. You are beautiful. Never change. But some girls. Like that one down the street with the unibrow, who I never see during full moons, yet her front yard is always covered in chicken carcasses the day after. Yeah, that one is a real minger! Don’t tell her I said so. Anyway, this Universal Monsters Makeup Brush Holder is perfect for all of you beautiful and lovely creepbay-reading ladies who love monsters. Now you can put your face on with Dracula, the mummy and the rest of the gang.

Horror Movie Monster Clocks

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Horror Movie Monster Clocks
What time is it? Monster time baby! These Horror Movie Monster Clocks from WigOutGraphics cover all of the classic Universal movie monsters. They have Frankenstein’s monster, Wolfman, Dracula, The Mummy, The Creature from the Black Lagoon and more. These clocks are perfect for your own haunted house or mad scientists laboratory. That’s the one that isn’t the bathroom, right? Oh yeah. That’s lavatory, however the hell that makes sense. Is there lava in there? No. If there was, I would have peed on it and created some cool steam, then enjoyed a steam bath. Stupid English language.

Hang them all on your walls and have a Monster Mash. Or a Graveyard Bash. Whichever!
Read more “Horror Movie Monster Clocks”