Tag: novelty

Realistic Skull Dish

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Realistic Skull Dish
Hey skull dish, I’m gonna put candy in your brain hole and let people pick your brain. I just think it will be weird. Gotta keep my reputation as the local weirdo after all, or as the local police like to refer to me. “Code 71. Named for the year of my birth. Which I may be lying about just to throw you all off. I may be 60 years old. Then again I may be 22. Blog stars need privacy is all I’m sayin’.

*Screech. Crackle.* All units be advised. We have a code 71 in progress. Now the damn fool is making dogs eat from some kind of fake skull in the park, which is attached to his shirt making it look like he has a skull head. It is making old people vomit. Use of deadly force is authorized. Please use deadly force.

Shark Attack Monster Mask

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Shark Attack Monster Mask
Shark attacks only go two ways. You can either be the one thrashing and getting sliced and diced or you can be the one doing the chomping. I recommend being the shark. Then again, I also recommended Preparation H to that guy at work a few years back just because he was an a**hole! That guy was my boss. He recommended I find other employment. So here I am, finding weird and cool stuff. How’s my blogging? Call 1-800-I-AM-SO-THE-MAN!

Anywho, everyone you approach with this Shark Attack Monster Mask will be afraid you are going to bite their face off. Bonus: It kinda looks like a badass shark/wizard. Be back later. I’m rolling up a new D and D character based on this thing. So what if I have to carry a staff with a sponge-end and water myself every 5 minutes. Gonna call him the Shiz-zard.
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Giant Pickle Body Pillow

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Pickle Body Pillow
Ever find yourself in a pickle? Maybe you’re a pickle who finds himself reading in bed. Listen, this world is flippin’ crazy. I don’t know what to tell ya. As far as I know I am hallucinogenic-free. And I still saw it! I just saw a pickle reading in bed. He’s not even in a pickle. Just enjoying a good story. Gettin’ his juice all up in that bed so he can settle in and soak for the night. Like I do. I sweat a lot and stew in my own juices. That’s your TMI for the day. The more you know…

Giant Pickle Body Pillow. Basically the internet really freaks me out.

Freddy Krueger Crew Neck Sweater

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Freddy Krueger Crew Neck Sweater
Really digging my new Freddy Krueger Crew Neck Sweater. Never heard of Freddy Krueger, but I bet he’s like one of the top designers. Everyone else is digging my threads too. They’re all checking me out. Eyeing me up as I walk down the street. This sweater goes well with my not-trimmed for like 10 years fingers on my right hand that are sharp as knives. The street sign says I’m on Elm. I hope this Craigslist dude has my stuff and doesn’t kill me.

Hmmm. Not sure why the town is now rounding the corner with pitchforks and torches, but… I’m starting to think they don’t like this shirt.

Hand Soap, For Real

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Halloween Soap
Can you give me a hand and pass the soap? Uh, that’s not what i meant by hand soap but whatever. It will feel good to have a bony hand caressing my body as I bathe. I’m trying to picture Milo Kunis in the shower with me, but that bony hand rubbing my butt feels more like the withered hand of Betty White. Not saying I’m not into it, just saying it’s weird.

Easy there Betty, you’re gonna get me all lathered up!